Having The Breast Intentions

*This is the last day to ask my husband any questions you want. He will be doing his Vlog tonight. Visit the community to see that thread and ask your questions.

Alright ladies, we are going to tackle a little bit of a tougher subject today. Tougher than removing that yellow newborn poop from a white onsie. We are going to talk about "having the breast intentions"; meaning we are going to talk about breast feeding and formula feeding.

Oh, I just saw all those hackles rise and the defense mechanisms go up.

I am treading on thin ice on this subject, because there is nothing that can get a group of mothers stirred into a frenzy like how they feed their baby. (I am assuming that we can play nice here though, so while you may disagree with the content or the comments, let's do it in a manner that is respectful and non-attacking...mm'kay?)

Breast is best.

We all know that and nobody knows it more than the formula feeding mother. Just look at the first thing written on the back of a formula can...it states "breast milk is best". Seriously, it does. The formula feeding mother doesn't need to be told that though. It comes with animal instinct, which we all have. We understand that our bodies are created to produce the milk our infant needs. Sometimes, that old body or our lives just won't cooperate though; despite our "breast intentions".

When my first two daughters were born, I was determined to be a breastfeeding mother. I had a supply problem that couldn't be fixed with drinking more water, taking vitamins or prayer. I had to resort to taking Reglan to build a supply that would provide my newborn with enough breast milk. Once my daughters were about 3 months old, I could no longer keep up. I had to start supplementing with formula. When my last daughter was born, the milk gods has smiled on me. I now produced enough milk to not only feed my newborn, but probably about 3 others. I nursed and pumped and stored what I could. It didn't last long though. My milk didn't dry up like with the other two; the schedule that I had with 2 active older children, my in-laws living with me, the house being on the market, etc. stopped the breast feeding. No matter how many times I would lock myself in the room to nurse/pump; I was always interrupted by some kind of emergency.

I began to build up a lot of stress. Massive stress (have you seen my hair...I am going gray. OK that's hereditary, but I like blaming the kids.) The stress came from not being able to nurse my infant. Worrying about the "bonding", the "nutrition" and what exclusive breastfeeding mothers might say if they saw me in the store purchasing a can of formula. I doubt there would have been a firing squad, but one can never be too careful.

I believe this is where the defensive nature of moms comes in. Breast feeding and formula feeding moms are all the same. All they want is to provide the needed nutrition for the baby and have the bonding time. Our animal instinct feels that the formula feeding isn't quite right, but we feel forced to do whatever we have to for our babies to thrive. When we feel cornered by the breast feeding opinions, we strike. We feel the need to over explain our choice and defend it with a ferocity.

This is where moms need to learn to unite. Our "breast intentions" are all the same, but what we are capable of is often different. Formula feeding moms can still bond with their infant without the breast. Providing nutrition, having "skin time", eye contact time...we can do those things just the same. The uniting factor is we all love our babies and want the very best for them. We will do whatever is necessary to provide for them to the best of our abilities. Whether that is fighting a store for the right to breast feed in public, buying donated breast milk or buying a can of formula. Moms, let's unite in our common cause and not tear down one's personal choice. Chances are...it wasn't their personal choice, but what they were left to deal with because of their physical ability or living situation. Let's embrace each others as mothers who love our babies.

Another Baby To Love

So you are thinking that perhaps you want another baby. Maybe the "New Baby Scent" just wore off your youngest one. Maybe you find yourself sitting in your rocker missing the cuddles of an infant. Maybe you are wandering to the baby section in the clothing store looking at the tiny pinks and blues. Maybe your heart just tells you that your family isn't complete.

But then you start feeling unsure. Is it wrong to want another baby? Does it mean you aren't happy with what you have? Will you have enough time? Will you have enough love?

I see this conversation between my friends and I have had it myself. So I ask you this (barring of course that your financial and emotional situation are stable) if it is on your heart and mind to have another child, what is holding you back?

Does it mean you aren't happy with what you have? Of course we see people with one or two more of the same sex and it's just assumed that if they are wanting another baby that they automatically want one of the opposite sex. I can honestly say that when I see these families (me being one of them) that another child born healthy to love is all that they really want. Sure, if you have dealt with only pink and lace; you might want some blue and airplanes. But really...if your heart wants another child does it really matter?

Will you have enough time? I have learned that having 3 children requires not much more time from me than just 1 child did. O.K...O.K...so it takes a little longer to get everyone dressed and out the door. But the amount of time I spend in "child custody" is no different. Reading a book...same amount of time; we just sit in a semi circle instead of sit in the rocker. Eating dinner...same amount of time; I just have cold food by the time I have cut everyone's food into bite sized pieces. Play time...same amount of time; we just buy the bulk construction paper and the huge boxes of crayons. Cuddle time...same amount of time; although I find it increasingly more satisfying to cuddle two or more children at the same time and get double the hugs and kisses.

Will you have enough love? It seemed when I looked at my oldest daughter that I couldn't ever love a child more that her. Then the strangest thing happened...it was like The Grinch when his heart grew...it does just that. It grows to accommodate no matter how many children you have. The heart is not hung up on numbers to service, it's totally made out of elastic

So, my friends...to those who are wanting another baby to love. What's holding you up? To those friends of mine who are past the point of another baby to love, my heart truly aches for you. I will one day be in your shoes and I can only pray that I handle it with the grace that each of you has shown. I can't imagine anything more devastating than to want to love something that will never be.

As for me, right now...I still have one with a "New Baby Scent" so I am good....for now.

Go-Go-Growing

 

Which one of these is not like the other?

Look how much Baby Bitsy has grown!! At her last doctor's appointment she was nearing 9 lbs. Can I get a Woot Woot?!?

At almost 7 weeks of age (or maybe she is already 7 weeks, that would require me getting up to look at a calendar...not going to happen) Bitsy is so much more alert and really interacts with the voices she hears (although she is very partial to Mommy #2 a.k.a. Buzz) She gets so excited when someone talks to her she pumps her legs and coos. (Sounds a little like me) Her movements are less jerky and are slowly looking purposeful.

She is still the quietest baby I have had and only cries (except for the thrush incident which has cleared up...thank you Nystatin) when hungry or wet. Sometimes we honestly forget she is around.

Tomorrow I will do another serious post on elderly depression, as it is weighing heavily on my mind, but I just KNEW you wanted an update on Bitsy!!

Thank you and good night!

Whoo Whoo's a Night 0wl

First let me start off by saying that the "o" bottom for some reason is on the fritz so bear with me as I type.

As I was saying...

Have you noticed the time stamp on my last few posts? They average around 1 am in the morning. My children have always been a little on the night owl side (usually going to sleep around 10pm and getting up around 9am) but Bitsy...she wins the night owl award!

She has helped me rediscover that cable television is no good after about 11pm (unless you are into buying some kind of device that hangs you by your feet for back pain or you are in the market for a kitchen device that allows you to practice your karate slap in order to chop your veggies)

She is also helping me get caught up on my blog reading (although I still need to work on the comment department, my bad!)

She also has me having a daily struggle to forgo the coffee that my sleep deprived body is really needing. Since I am exclusively breastfeeding (that sure sounds like a hoity-toity club and I hate that.) I would have to pump and dump all day to remove the amount of caffeine that I so desperately need. Thus eliminating being an exclusive breast feeder (dang...there is that club again)

Speaking of breast feeding...I think I still have two babies left inside me. No, I am not referring to the fact that I still look about 4-5 mos. pregnant (Thank you postpartum water weight...yeah, that's the weight crutch that I am going with) I refer to multiple children still in uteri because I have always heard that you produce the "perfect" amount of breast milk for your baby. If that is the case, there must be other children "waiting in the wings"

Although the Victoria Secret look is thrilling (also allows me to get whatever I want from The Man) the amount of milk production is a bit on the "Good heavens this is getting ridiculous" side. Bitsy eats (drinks, nurses, sups...whatever) like a bird and I have a turn out meant for a pterodactyl (Thank you spell check for catching the slaughtering of that prehistoric word) I feed her and watch as she goes into that milk induced coma and then have to go pump. I have already run out of the breast milk collection bags I had (more ordered from Amazon on the way) and have turned to using empty mason jars. (Since I am sleep deprived, you may want to watch me very carefully if I offer to make you some homemade mac & cheese)

I tried to abstain from pumping to allow my supply to compensate to her eating habits...but having to shove bags of frozen peas in my bra was much more uncomfortable and not a good look at all.

So for now, we just joke that I am "channeling my inner Elsie" and my loving family bears with me as I am forever connected to my Medela. She runs on batteries, but considering her overworked self and the expense of AA batteries, I have given her reprieve and just used that wall plug she came with.

So, my breast feeding friends, what can be done to "staunch the flow" a little?

Also...what are some methods on getting Bitsy's schedule turned a little so I am not forced to watch informercials? I know at a week old I am asking a lot...but until I can have some good stout coffee, we gotta do something!

On a totally seperate topic...all you wonderful gals who leave me comments (Helga, Jess, A Working Mommy, Kate, Mannmom, Mama M, Brianne, Bethany, Emily, Tyler, Knitter, Megan...just to name a few) I am working very hard to get better at leaving comments on your blogs. Seriously, I am. I read all of you daily and read all of my comments. I am just not so good on the follow up.

Well, I got a passed out milk coma baby in my lap, so toodles for now...

Bitsy's Birth

As you all know, I had been having contractions for weeks. It seriously felt like months, but just a few mere weeks. On the day of the 26th, they seemed to be a little more "organized" but I have to admit that I was terrified they would just stop again. The 27th was my 40th week mark and I did not want to go past that. I have a irritating phobia about being late for anything and I intend to raise my children to be punctual as well. What type of mothering example would I be if I allowed her to be late for her first appointment in life!?!? Not only that, but I really wanted to meet her. Impatient? perhaps, but totally justifiable!

The Man, The Crayon Scribblers and I went on a long ride out in the country in the super-bumpy-needs-shocks jeep. After 3 hours of so much bouncing that The Scribblers had hiccups and I needed a new supportive bra, the contractions were the same. There but not seeming to do much. With only about 12 hours left until the 27th began, I began to feel desperate and did the only thing left that I knew to do.

Insert Castor Oil wives tale.

After 4 tbsps of the stuff, I sat my queasy self down on the couch and prepared to wait the 4-5 hours that the directions said that the oil took to work. Less than 2 minutes later, I had a WHAM contraction. Knowing the "results" of Castor oil and not wanting to leave anything to chance (or ruin the tapestry on the couch) I shuffled to the bathroom. Nope...nothing happening down there yet. Then...WHAM...another one. They were coming fast and they were coming hard. Obvioulsy this had nothing to do with Castor Oil timing, but rather Bitsy's timing. The Man and I called the appropriate people and I drove myself to the hospital. I probably should have waited for a family member to get there for the kids, but I didn't feel I should wait.

All I could think of the whole time was at some point this Castor Oil is going to kick in and its not going to be pretty.

I got to the hospital and after waiting 45 minutes for the non-insured, non-English speaking lady in front of me (that's a rant for another day!!!!) I was finally taken back to a room to be monitored. After 2 hours of monitoring (Bitsy's a slow mover) and lots of jumping jacks, squats and nipple stimulation when no one was looking they admitted me and promised me a baby was indeed coming.

Of course...so was that Castor Oil.

I was taken to the birthing suite and given an IV. I finally fessed up to my nurse and told her of the impending "Oil Spill" and she agreed to show me how to unhook myself quickly and not give me the epidural until after the "incident"

It's a good thing too. Castor Oil is very effective for its intended purpose.

Finally after about 3 hours, The Man and my parents came to sit and wait it out with me. My twin went to my house to watch over The Scribblers.

At about 4am we started placing bets on Bitsy's arrival time. I don't remember the other times that were called out but I said about 7:15am. Turns out that I should go bet on the horses.

My epidural started wearing off at about 6am and for some reason they couldn't get it to start back up. (Seems there is a little box that was connected to my IV that contained a bag of the miracle juice that had run out and all those medical degrees around me couldn't figure out to just change the stupid bag) At 7am I was checked and was at a 7. At 7:20 I was complete and ready to push. At 7:27am Bitsy's was pushed into this world by one Hercluean push. One and done!

Daddy cut the cord while they placed her body on my chest. She was the tiniest baby I had ever seen! 6lbs and 2oz, 17 1/2 inches. It's those moments, when you are looking into your newborn's face, that you don't know whether you want to laugh, cry, whoop, hollar or dance around the room. Considering the IV and the fact that I just gave birth, I declined the dancing part and just kissed her little button nose and marveled at the tiny perfection that was lying in my arms. Every inch of skin was perfectly flawless, every tiny bone perfectly in place and every eyelash perfectly framed the perfect eyes that were looking into mine.

Blessed indeed.

Bitsy fit perfectly in my arms, perfectly in our home and perfectly in our hearts.