Monday, April 4, 2011

We Rock

Thump Thump Thump

My husband gives me the side eye and I just wearily shake my head. There is nothing more I can do.

"Do something!"

Bitsy is rocking again. Not strumming out on an air guitar and flinging her little curls to some Queensryche. She's just rocking.

Into a doorframe.

Against a wall.

Thump Thump Thump

I finally reached out to Twitter last night, since our darling backwoods, black bag toting grandpa farm doctor just said "she'll out grow it" or "find her a good glass of sweet tea and a rocking chair." Even Buzz knows. She's likes to deem her little sister as "special like me." Sometimes (although she was never a rocker) she will sit beside Bitsy and rock with her.

Dear Twitter....you guys are awesome!!!!

I was at wits end (not a real far trip, but every mile is precious to me) and to the point that I just wanted to lean up on the wall with her; rocking and crying. Each thump on the wall echoed a thump of pain in my heart that I can't fix her. I can't seem to ease what is causing it. She has no words at almost 16mos and very few sounds (We are thinking another Speech Delay child) so how long until she can express her frustration? How long until she can tell me what is too much for her to process?

Until then we rock.

Not against the wall though or a door frame. We rock just being who we are. For all our quirks, for everything that makes us different; we rock. For being mother and daughter who don't speak the same language; we can still show our love and we rock. For being a family cast in the chaos of special needs and making it through the day; we rock.

11 comments:

CM said...

You are a wonderful, loving mom. You inspire me and humble me. {{hugs}}

Rock on, my friend.

Rachel @RunningRachel said...

Hugs! I (like you) have found that each of my children are SO different. My 16 month old doesnt have any words either... but more his accurate use of the force (that look in his eyes).

Hugs hugs and more hugs! You are such a loving mother!

Erica M said...

She may not grow out of it. I never did. I'm rocking as I leave this comment. I have a cousin whom I haven't seen in a year. I'll bet you he's rocking right now.

As special needs parents, we live on the side of worry. Now that's something I hope we grow out of. Great post. Visiting from Twitter, but I also know you from TRDC and Studio30Plus. I'm at @hmx5.

Sandi Amorim said...

"We rock just being who we are."
That is really all there is that makes a difference in life.

And I'd be there rocking with you.

Mama M. said...

Aw, sweet friend...I wish I could offer you wise words. All I know is that you are a wonderful mama...

Cha Cha said...

We all rock in our own way. This is not the issue at our house but we have plenty. It is so hard as a momma to not have the "right" answer, to live with the fear of making it worse---but I am there. So we rock, our rocking comes in a different form but it is rocking. Thank you for being so open, your openness has encouraged me this morning.

Cha Cha

DaisyGal said...

Morning!
Cha Cha said exactly what I was going to say, that we all rock in our own way. That we all have children's emotions that we can't contain sometimes, even our own, so we rock them out. We move ourselves through them.

this was a gorgeous post about being a good mom, about picking the battles and then going with the flow of them. As always, you move me with your words.

Erin said...

Hugs! I am struggling with my youngest as her highs become more manic and her lows become more violent and trying not to see bi-polar in her just because her older sister is. I wonder at what point do I call a spade a spade and admit to what it really is. Anyway I just wanted to say that I think you are inspiring, strong and an amazing mom!

On a completely different not my girls were screaming at each other last week and I commented on facebook that I wished someone would take out my eardrums so I couldn't hear them anymore. I could not believe how many people said it would be better to take out their vocals chords knowing I have a nonverbal child. I politely (screamed at them from my head) said that I would never wish that on another of my children and would prefer to render myself deaf instead. Sigh. Oh well all we can do is educate I guess.

Erin said...

yeah that should have been note not not.

Pamela Gold said...

The group of people on Twitter really is amazing. Sometimes they have the answers and sometimes they don't; but they always know just how to make you feel a little better in the now.

Penbleth said...

This is beautiful. It is so so hard when your child is doing something you don't really understand or you worry is a sign of something else but I think to sit and rock with her must have been so comforting. I know what it is like to have a child with limited language and any and every way to make contact and communicate is so important.

I'm @penbleth on the Twitter.

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