Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
So since this little being is starting to take up every square inch of my middle section (it was generous sized section to start with and this child has aggressively marked the whole of it to be its territory) I have really been thinking about this verse and what it means to me.
I think the word that strikes me the most is "knit", because of what it implies. Knitting is something totally out of my patience capabilities. I do good to tie a shoelace and I used to be able to rock those Friendship Bracelets. When I was pregnant with Buzz, I thought I might try this knitting thing. Maybe start with a blanket and work my way up to a knit gown with matching hat and booties all BEFORE she was born.
My friends, I ended up with a hanky. For a Barbie.
Knitting is something that takes patience, skill, long term planning and time. To say that God has knit us together in the womb says a few things to me. First, he must have some really little needles. (applause from audience)....
Seriously though, let's start with the "time" factor. I ended up with a Barbie hanky with more knots than knits after months of laboring over this thing. In order to have produced a blanket, I would have had to invest a lot of time of practicing to complete a finished project. Even though its a 2 inch square of knots, I love this thing because of what I intended it to be and the time I put into it. Doncha think he loves us so much more because of the effort and time he has put into us to create us just as he intended us to be? Knots and all?
Then we got the long term planning thing. In order to make this little square, I had to figure out how much yarn I would need, study this plotting grid thing (supposed to keep me on track) and visualize what I wanted this to be for the end result. Can't you just picture our Father (with his tiny needles) plotting the course for this new life? Lovingly visualizing the end result of what He wants us to be? His plans for us as he casts each new stitch?
Patience, that was the worst part for me. Each time I slipped, each knot that formed and each time it came all the way unraveled; I just wanted to throw the thing in the garbage and just say "Forget it" Most times it seemed that the yarn had a mind of its own, doing what it wanted to do. His patience is totally awesome though. How many times have I had a mind of my own and almost messed up His masterpiece, yet He kept patiently knitting away? How many knots have I gotten myself into, that I have begged for Him to undo and get back on course? I know in my life, My Father has a heck of a lot of patience for my yarn.
Finally we have skill. Skill is something that you got, you have to work hard to get or just pay someone to do it for you. I learned quickly that I do not possess the skill off the bat for anything more than a knotted hanky. Dude...He has skill to make a person. Millions and millions of individual creations all perfect in their own way, all with a purpose and all fresh off His tiny needles. Some are pot holders, some are cozy blankets and some are intricate sweaters of amazing detail. The coolest thing is that every single one of them is just what He intended it to be when He started knitting. Perfect within itself and its purpose.
Thanks for keeping up with this folks. Pardon me while I knit some wool for sleep before I unravel....
- Potty training by using the "nude" or "no diaper" method.
- How to use basic household cleaners to properly clean carpet.
- How to hire a professional carpet cleaning service.
- How to hire a carpet installation service.
- Entertaining a toddler without resorting to television.
- Entertaining multiple children without resorting to television.
- Embracing childhood programming and keeping your sanity.
- Surviving a week of toddler tantrums.
- 2009's Best Wine Guide.
- Girl Names of 2005
- Girl Names of 2007
- Natural Gender Planning.
- Life with three daughters.
- Future financial planning for weddings.
- The art of the "Shotgun Wedding"
- 101 Top Toys of Christmas 2009
- Buying toys during a down economy.
- How to create toys using string, paint and empty paper towel rolls
- How to teach children about disappointment and being grateful.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
- Do not assume that the spice with the red lid is garlic.
- Lemon Pepper "garlic" bread tastes like crap with lasagna.
- Lemon Pepper bread makes dog puke.
- Just because no child has turned over a gallon of paint on the carpet for the past 12 days, does not mean it won't ever happen.
- Cleaning up dog puke, paint and child poop on the carpet will take a full bottle of Resolve and a breathing mask for pregnant mom.
- Just because potty training child dropped a 10lb stink pickle in the toilet, do not put on cotton panties within 5 minutes after the deed.
- The average stink pickle must be 15lbs.
- If you leave clothes in the washer for more than 24 hours, they will mildew.
- Prayer does not stop mildew.
- 15 dryer sheets will not remove mildew smell.
- Husband will notice mildew smell when he puts on his uniform, regardless of 15 dryer sheets and half a spray bottle of Febreeze.
- Wet paint on the door attracts dog tail hair, children's hands and a husband's butt already in his uniform.
- Painting doors with anyone breathing in the house is futile at best.
- Painting a perfectly good antique white door with ultra white is just stupid.
- Painting anything is stupid.
- Keeping only one uniform clean for husband is begging for someone to stick their butt in your fresh paint.
- After 10 years of marriage, husband knows that an eye twitch and a snicker means you are not telling him something.
- Small children will be honest and loudly proclaim that "Daddy has a white butt"
- Husband will want to change his uniform 45 seconds before having to leave to go to work.
- See #16.
- Trading uniform with mildew smell and paint on the butt for the uniform worn yesterday that reeks of man sweat will require the other half of the Febreeze bottle used in Lesson #11.
- Men who wear a man sweat soaked uniform do not speak politely to their wives.
- Tylenol is not enough at the end of the day sometimes.
- Tylenol PM (with its active sleep inducing ingredient) will solve the rest of these problems.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I took one glance in there, shuddered and grabbed the kitchen trash can, a stool and a Snickers bar (this is going to take a while)
If the whole rumor about people looking through your medicine cabinets is true; they would have a field day seeing inside my closet. I was surprised to see all the stuff in there. Some of the items I found where.
- A full bottle of Ginko Biloba (guess I forget to take those)
- 4 half empty bottles of Infant GasX (always seemed to be out somewhere when we needed that and had to juggle the screaming child while purchasing the impromptu bottle)
- 7 infant sized nail clippers (why on earth do I have 7 of those and my children have always had Freddy Krueger nails from birth and on)
- An empty box of Q tips
- An empty box of bandaids (with several opened wrappers inside)
- My reading glasses (why on earth?)
- 5 different flavors of cold medicine (from last winter's fiasco of trying to get Buzz to take a medicine)
- An empty bottle of Ambien (that sucks, got excited for a moment)
- An unopened box of nursing pads (Score!)
- A pack of child's socks size 6-9 months (again...what on earth?)
- 1 tube of cellulite removal lotion and 1 tube of stretch mark cream (didn't work. But a girl could hope, right?)
- A Eucalyptus and Menthol based bubble bath that is supposed to soothe a cold and stuffed nose (great in theory, not so good on the girly bits)
- A WalMart bag that contained candy canes, marshmellow Santas (still tasted good) and other assorted stocking stuffers for children (So THAT'S where I hid that)
Tomorrow's project? Junk drawer.
OK. Who am I fooling? There are like 10 junk drawers in my house. Can't wait to see what discoveries are to be made...
"They" called it a Flapper and a Go-Go Girl costume. I (being much more sensible than "They") called it a Hooker outfit. The 2 yr old on the outside of the package had on bright makeup, miniskirt and fishnet hose. The only thing missing was the pimp hanging out somewhere behind her. Seriously, who dresses up their little girls like this? We rant and scream about safety from pedophiles, yet think it's cute to stick them in fishnet? The only time my girls should be in fishnet is if they are in the ocean and swim to close to a fishing boat getting tangled up alongside the dolphins.
I finally settled on a pack of bunny ears, a fluffy tail and white sweatshirt for them. I am sure they will make an adorable set of bunnies. Of course we could always get a little more creative and go with the fangs and a Monty Python "The Killer Rabbitof Caerbannog" theme. I am sure if they consume as much sugar as I fear, I will need a Holy Hand Grenade.
Belly seems to still be feeling a bit drained (she only ate 7 of her 10 chicken nuggets) but whatever fever plagued her last night appears to be gone.
I am signing off for a while in hopes to get some headway done with the painting of the house. At very least I plan on getting a nice enamel buzz, feigning a headache and watching DIY network. I am not being lazy, it's research.
Monday, October 26, 2009
ADD moment: By the way, MamaM, a Fry Daddy....totally worth it. It makes McD style nuggets/fries, corn dogs to die for and can rock the socks off a country fried steak. Sure, you are cooking in straight to your hips oil, but who the heck wants to die perfectly healthy?
Anyways, as I was cooking I glanced over at the calendar. I have each week of the pregnancy marked and was shocked to see just how close I have gotten. I did finally pick up 2 outfits for Baby Bigfoot on Friday, but I have nothing else. Seriously. We are talking about swaddling clothes and a emptied out clothing drawer for this kid. I took most everything I had for the other two girls to consignment to keep up with that darn thing that they keep doing. Growing.
So this weekend, in addition to the other 2,354,095 things I have to do; I plan on searching the attic for the bassinet, infant carrier and lost treasure in a creepy old trunk.
OK, so I don't have a creepy old trunk in the attic, but I want one. I love the Antique Roadshow where you have that person who found a rolled up movie poster that is now worth 500K. I want to be that person. Really all that is in my attic is a bunch of boxes of clothes (minus the baby stuff I mentioned above) that have been rifled through and there are probably a few size 6 pants (ahhh...distant fond memories) hanging from the rafters where I threw them in frustration that they will never again see the light of day from being draped across my backside. Perhaps one day when I accept the inevitable, I will take these things to Goodwill to be draped across someone else's size 6 patootie.
I am not good with acceptance.
The next track that the thought train went down (I think I can, I think I can...choo-choo) was what on earth are we going to do when I go in labor. Well, I suppose I know what I will do...
But, The Man...you see he works out of town quite a bit. Then there are the kids and they need that thing called "Supervision" (still haven't figured out how to do that in everyday life) Then there is our side job that can not be called out of for any reason (even birth)
Panic began to set it. What if I go in labor and The Man is hours away from home....Who is going to do that "Supervision" thing with the girls....Who is going to hold my hand when I push....Should I set up a tent in the L&D room for my other kids...
What if...What if....
So now I have no fingernails left and about 78 new gray hairs. OK so the worry didn't cause all 78 to crop up. Some of those are due to the kid and dog running through my paint pan. Oh yes they did.
I hope to have the answers to these questions soon (and an answer to Buzz's question about where is the baby going to come out at)
That's all the ramblin I am going to do for now...beside ramblin' on to bed.
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
- I always believe in making a child's memories fun and lasting. I always document these events. Since I am this way, I did NOT wait until the last minute to pick up a cake for my 2 year olds birthday. I did NOT forget to charge the batteries in my camera and I did NOT have to run back to the store to get candles that I never would forget. I also was so intent on making her birthday special, that I did NOT forget to even sing Happy Birthday while serving the cake.
- I always admit to a mistake and learn from it. Therefore, I did NOT purchase the wrong paint for interior doors and put up to 6 coats on it convinced that it would just "get better" with each passing coat.
- My family has strong moral values and does not believe in cursing. So it was NOT me that videotaped my husband pulling up baseboards, cussing with every other swing of the hammer and my two precious angels copying his every move and EVERY word. I would not videotape such vulgarity and I would not laugh hysterically while doing it.
- I am the picture of health and am very agile. So it couldn't have been me that got my 30 week pregnant butt stuck between the toilet and the bathtub when helping my husband lay floor tile. Since I never got stuck, it was not me that laughed so hard I peed all over the tile that he had just lain and caused him to have to pull it up, clean the floor and re-do the tile.
- I did NOT allow my 2 year old to go to bed with a chicken Lean Pocket in one hand and bubble wrap in the other hand with the intention of retrieving it after she fell asleep, rather than fight her. I would NOT forget to get these items out of her room because one would possibly suffocate her and the other would spoil and give her food poisoning. So, it wasn't me that watched her the whole next day for symptoms of Salmonella.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
This tiny bundle (with the fattest cheeks I have ever seen) turned two yesterday.
I was going to have a fun little party for her. I was going to shower her with gifts. I was going to have an awesome blog post with a poem or song. I was going to post tons of pictures.
Mom of the Year right here folks.
I got a cake at the last minute. I put some money back to take her shopping later. I didn't charge my camera batteries.
Yup, Mom of the Year.
Mysteriously enough, she was perfectly content with her cake, some bubble wrap and an empty coke carton.
I don't think that is going to fly when she is 16, so I better start getting my act together on this motherly planning stuff.
My mother did take her shopping on Friday though.
By the way, Mom, after 72 hours of the listening to the magic Princess wands that you purchased for both girls...
- the dog is trembling and begging to sleep in the bitter cold outside
- my ears have a constant ringing in them and my eye won't stop twitching
- The Man is considering a rental property until the batteries run out
- the girls are still deliriously in love with them
Friday, October 23, 2009
Dude!! It's Friday?!?! I wanna know...just how the heck did that happen? Wasn't it just Friday, like, yesterday? Well, that means it's time for 5QF!!
Rules for Five Question Friday: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog, answer them, grab the MckLinky Blog Hop Code, and link up! I'd be ever so grateful if you'd link back to MamaM, also! If you don't have a blog, but wanna participate, I invite you to answer in my comments!
October 23rd Questions: (thanks to A., Tamara, Kimberly and Mindi for question suggestions!! Wanna contribute to future 5QF questions and be linked? Check out my Blog Frog community for the "Five Question Friday" thread!)
1. Whats your favorite horror movie?
My first horror movie is still the one that scares (has scarred) me the most, Jaws. I saw it for the first time at a slumber party when I was young (much too young for that movie) I don't think it actually classifies as a horror movie, but it makes me jump every.single.flippin.time and the thought of my legs being watched from under the deep blue by a glassy eyed carnivore is more than I can stand.
2. Bath tub or Hot tub?
I have owned both and to the relief of many, still own a bathtub. I do not like hot tubs because of the amount of chemicals, humidity and friends calling to constantly stew themselves at your expense.
Yep, expense. It cost us an extra $50 a month just to keep that sucker running.
3. Do you prefer to view a movie at the theater or at home?
There was a time that going to the movies was super cool. I think that was back when I was dating and someone else paid for my ticket, popcorn and coke. Oh yeah...I had a much bigger bladder back then too (or at least more control)
Now I prefer my movie watching to come with a pause button and a bathroom within 50 feet.
4. If you could chose a maid, cook or chauffeur, which one would you choose?
You mean I would actually choose for my husband to have another wife????
I would chose a maid withoutadoubtthankyouverymuch. I love cooking (hate cleaning it up. That's a maid duty) and I love my trips around town (it feeds my iced coffee addiction)
Yes, a maid it would be. Someone else to clean jelly hand prints off the walls, bleach the skidded underwear, tackle the goldfish cracker clan under the couch and play defensive line of the linoleum when it is freshly washed.
5. Electric Slide, Boot Scootin' Boogie, or the Macarena?
I can't answer this question with any honesty. Not only was I born with two left feet, but I have an off kilter equilibrium and total white woman rythmn.
I can do the pee-pee dance and the I just burnt my hand on a hot skillet dance, but that is the extent of it.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I was given this super nifty award from Belli's Place (who is a super neat-o gal with the most adorable girl ever!) Thank you for awarding this to me! It's a honor.
Here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link to their blog.
2. Share 10 honest things about yourself.
3. Present this award to 7 other whose blogs you find brilliant in design or content.
4. Tell those 7 people they have been awarded.
Here are my honest things (or at least what I will admit too)
1. I have honestly forgotten my natural hair color. I have to look at childhood pictures, but I believe those are off too because of the orangey look that old photos have. Hey, at least my baby pictures were in color!
2. I collect antique pill boxes. I think they are the cutest things ever, much better than the 100ct. Tylenol bottle that I lug around in my purse for days that the kids are making my eyes twitch.
3. My world stops when a John Wayne movie comes on. The popcorn comes out and the children are all but shunned during time with "The Duke"
4. I have intense, knee-knocking, throw up a little stage fright. A group of two or more frightens the socks off me. In fact when I have to deal with customer service, I shake when I see the manager coming, knowing that I have to talk in front of two people now.
5. One day I hope to be a writer. A REAL writer and not just a jotter of menus and appointments. That would also allow me to be one of the mysterious recluses that lives in a creepy old house where children won't retrieve their lost baseball.
6. I have an allergy to all tomato based products, yet manage to cook one meal a day that contains tomatoes. Needless to say, I will never have the need for full colon cleansing. (Was that too honest?)
7. I want a farm one day. One where I can raise animals, gather eggs, have a smokehouse and make my own candles/soap. This would also be a perfect setting for my recluse dream. Butcher the hog, make soap and scare small children away with my chainsaw.
8. I have had about 8 wrecks in my automobile (husband is not happy with the insurance payments) but all wrecks were when I was going less than 3 miles an hour and NONE of them were my fault. Honestly.
9. I sleep with a heating pad every night. I adore the feeling of clothes right out of the dryer and simulate it with my faithful heating buddy. My husband refers to me as a lizard on a heat rock.
10. My OB has been concerned about the lack of weight gain during this pregnancy. Should I ever admit to her that I am addicted to Lean Pockets and that I eat two of them a day?
Now for the folks I would like to award. Some of you have already received this award, so don't feel like you need to participate. I just want to give you a shout out for being super cool.
Outnumbered By Testosterone
Become What You Are
Peace and Quiet
A Silly Sparrow
Crazy Days...Sleepless Nights
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
My bright idea...spruce up the house so we can create a higher buyer interest. That's like giving a 2 year old some Silly String kind of good idea. It sounded good at the time...
I am currently searching Ebay for a new spine and pelvis.
The good news is that I got most of the baseboards done. The reason I got most of the baseboards done is simply because I got in the floor and didn't feel like I could get up again. I also got the hallway door frames done. I didn't realize how many door frames we had in this house until I got up close and personal with them.
I finally whimpered and called my sister. I don't know if it was the desperation in my voice or the promise of a Paint Party that swayed her to come and help, but she is bringing her brushes and coming to bump elbows with me.
Boy, is she going to regret this.
I would like to send a shout out to my Twitter buddies...
...for keeping me entertained and laughing through the difficult part of the evening. Thanks girls!! I needed that!
Anywho...my body is craving the sanctuary of a soft mattress more than anything, so off to bed I go.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I have/had/whatever this friend. This friend always needs advice and is always in a crisis. I have tried to always answer questions, dispense advice, encourage and even financially help this friend in whatever way that I could; even when it put my family in a hardship to do so.
The advice I gave (although she actively was seeking it) was never heeded and the problems that she faced in the past are going to continue to pop up again and again (yet, she can't figure out why)
“All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.”
Then came the part that really chapped my saddlebags. I gave financial assistance. The agreement was that the money would be paid back using a certain plan. It was agreed upon by all parties. Then came the excuses.
You know it was not the money that bothered me (although we were in a tight spot and it wasn't in our best interest to loan that much) What bothered me was feeling used. Just because we are friends, does not give a person the right to back out of their obligations. If you promised to do a certain thing, do it. Period. Otherwise you come across as a liar. Period. If you can't fulfill that obligation, show me you care enough to provide me with a clear cut plan of what you can do. I can respect that. Situations change, life changes and sometimes we can't do what we thought we could. But we can at least do SOMETHING. We can have enough respect for the other person to prove that we are not liars and that the relationship is valued enough to work together for a solution.
Another wrong thing to do is to attack, belittle, make fun of or generally complain about someone's spouse. Sure, maybe we have had some hard times together and I need to vent, but I can do that because he is my spouse. In this situation, my husband (being the finance guy in the household) was attempting to work with this friend and find out what else could be done to fulfill the financial obligation. He started out lighthearted and joking (sometimes that doesn't always come across right when dealing with him) but the WRONG thing to do is to come to me and basically call him a jerk. This "JERK" is the one who opened up his wallet and provided you with the money. This "JERK" is the one that helped me go through our pantry and provide you with food to help you and your children. This "JERK" is the one who initially came up with the idea of employing you in "HIS" business and paying you way more than what we normally would pay an employee. So he may be brash sometimes, but that "JERK" is the one that pulled you out of your hole (against his better judgment)That "JERK" is also my best friend, spouse, lover, father of my children and the best man I have ever knows. I will NEVER pick sides against that "JERK" although I can mediate if you feel that he is being too "matter of fact" with you and hurting your delicate feelings. Don't ever try to start a battle between us because it won't succeed.
Also (in closing) that stunt of "de-friending" me of FaceBook and blocking your Twitters...yeah, that's gonna leave a scar.
To my loyal readers...
Thank you for bearing with me through this rant even if it didn't apply to you. Not my usual lighthearted junk but I had to get that load of laundry out before it began to mildew.
I feel much better now.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Oh, the top! The glorious summit at the top.
Even The Man made comments about the trees looking like "patchwork" (my big burly man talking about patchwork, I giggled)and then he broke into a round of "America, The Beautiful)I have heard high altitudes can cause delirium...I now have proof.
There was my perfect little Lincoln Log home, nestled among the patchwork trees and flanked by a big red barn complete with grazing cattle. It was then that a bright beam of light broke through the clouds and shined on the homestead like the star of Bethlehem. (Probably the altitude huh?)
After ohhhing and ahhhing a little more we then began our descent back down the path. 1/4th of the way down I went into a fishtail through the mud and lost all control of the blazing chariot causing myself and The Man to scream out....
*content removed because of language*
...the way home was silent as we each were lost in our thoughts of the homestead. Once home we began to map out a plan for selling our home faster at a lower price with more appeal.
Enter Home Makeover without the talent and personality of Ty Pennington.
First thing, replace the linoleum in the kitchen and both bathrooms. Second, paint the walls and brighten it up (remove all artwork from children) Third, replace the carpet.
So we began.
As we stand right now (not that we could stand with the condition of both of our backs) the kitchen and one bathroom floor is complete. The painting of trim, woodwork and doors is in works and we have worked through half a bottle of Tylenol.
How do all these pregnant women do that whole nesting thing? There has been more times than I care to admit that I felt that I was stuck in the floor and couldn't get up. The smell of paint is causing killer heartburn...how do they do it?
It has also been decided that Noah had no small children in the house. We can barely lay floor and paint without little hands getting in the way, much less build something like an ark.
But Momma wants a new house* and so we persevere.
*Disclaimer: To those who know us and how frugal, cheap, whatever we are. This house will actually lower our monthly payments, yet provide more room. We are not buying a house because we feel like another baby warrants a bigger house. We are buying to improve the quality of our lifestyle and hopefully never have to look over the back fence and see another neighbor's butt crack.
So that is what is going on around here as we wait out the next 2 months before the baby is born. It should be fun, nerve wracking and intense. Keep us in your prayers that God's will be done (and I get my Lincoln Log house) and that we are able to complete the task before us in His glory and that the next family in this house benefit from our labor and be as blessed as we have been.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Here's the deets: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog, answer them, grab the MckLinky Blog Hop code, and link up! If you don't have a blog, but want to participate, I welcome you to leave your answers in the comments!! Oh, and I'd love it if you'd link back to Mama M.!! Thanks, my dears!
Friday, October 16th, Questions: (Thanks to Liz--man, she's on fire!!, and teamof6 for their question suggestions! Check out my Blog Frog community to participate in offering questions for future Five Question Fridays!)
1. What phrase, or phrases, do you say a lot (holy cow, geez, seriously?)
"No" and "Put that back"
I am sure I had some rockin' gnarly phrase before I was a mom, but that lingo went out the door.
2. Swimming: Are you a kamikaze off the boat, take the plunge from the deep end, or a gradual, slow submersion from the shore or shallow end kind of person?
As long as I have a bathing suit that will stay on my body (Another story not meant for "G" rated blogs) I prefer to cannonball with a hearty "Geronimo" yell.
3. Have any tattoos? If not, what would you get?
No. I am now glad I did not ever get one. I know that if I had gotten the rose that I wanted to on my breast, it would now look like a willow tree on fire. Not pretty.
4. What is your favorite tree?
Anything big enough to hook a tire swing to, where birds don't congregate and I can't hear any street sounds if I am laying under it.
5. Two pronged question: What is your favorite non-physical thing about your spouse? What is your favorite physical thing about your spouse or significant other?
My favorite non-physical thing about The Man would be his witty intelligence. (Although he is sitting right here giving me suggestions such as "I work all the time, never home and give me money) The Man makes me laugh in the toughest times, yet challenges me to think (not easy)
My favorite physical thing would be his butt. He works it off for us. Seriously though, his hands. Strong, capable, willing, warm...hmmmm....skip doing this blog, I am going to go play with those instead....
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I thought this commercial was funny then, but have since discovered that we all have our little "Ancient Chinese Secrets" to fixing things.
A famous commercial from the early 70s that ran for years was for Calgon Water Softener.
A Caucasian woman with an American accent asks "Mr. Lee" (played by Calvin Jung), a laundry shop owner, how he gets her shirts so clean. He replies, with what appears to be a Chinese accent, "Ancient Chinese secret."
The scene changes to Mrs. Lee, who is in an adjoining room. Mrs. Lee (Japanese-American actress Anne Miyamoto) appears ethnically Chinese, but she speaks English with a thoroughly American accent, and explains to the audience that her husband's "ancient Chinese secret" is that he uses Calgon water softener.
Mrs. Lee ultimately gives the secret away by sticking her head into the front room where Mr. Lee and the customer are standing, and shouts "We need more Calgon!" To which the customer replies "Ancient Chinese secret, huh?" while Mr. Lee accepts the exposure with good humor.
Here are some of my "Ancient Chinese Secrets", won't you share some of yours?
- Having to make an important phone call with small children can be downright nerve wracking. Yet, when I am making a phone call like that; my children are quiet as mice. My secret? Phone Treats. It's a huge jar filled with the gigantic marshmellows. When I get on the phone, they start poppin' them. Try to yell with one of those in your mouth! If that doesn't work, I always resort to the water gun.
- Dog smells like grass and butt? Run a dryer sheet down his back and he is nice and fresh* again. You can also run one over the kids heads if needed and your own if you haven't managed a real shower in a couple of days. *Not intended to substitute showers, baths or other basic hygiene.
- My husband is always amazed at how I can not only repair his holey socks and underwear, but keep them so clean. Secret? WalMart. New packages for around $15. He is always neat, tidy and white. I am not staring at holey toes and nappy drawers.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
It's been one of those days that submerging myself in bubbles, although appealing, is just not going to help "get me away from it all". Unless I lose consciousness. Mainly because I can not take a bath without slipping on a duckie, having one or more children screaming at the door and The Man yelling that someone has just pooped in the floor. (Well, stick a flag in it buddy and claim it as yours! Thanks for the discovery!)
Patience is a virtue. After using Wiki to look up "virtue", I discovered that restraint is also a virtue. I think that one is much more obtainable when you have kids. I can restrain myself from yelling at the kids (sometimes) much easier than I can patiently deal with/talk/negotiate/whatever about why we don't pull our sister's hair out/dump spaghetti on the carpet/poop in the floor/whatever. So, while patience is all noble and such; I am aiming for restraint.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Failure. Pure utter Failure (with a capital "F" thankyouverymuch)
Anyways, something that has changed around here is the HG situation. I know it was not the itching powder that caused HG to change her mind about living with us (mainly cause the powder had not been delivered yet) so it must have been feeling the Spirit (or fiber) move inside. Anyways, through no fault on anyone's side; my home now contains one spouse (although I have considered 3-4 to help with all the chores) 2 children, 1 dog and a pregnant lady. That's enough for now.
We are still trying to sell our home and find our country dream home. Something that screams bonfires, chickens and a porch dog. After this week, we will be lowering our price and hoping that someone else feels The Spirit move. We will be anxiously awaiting the news on the extension of the stimulus and seeing if they change it to encompass all homebuyers (thus creating a larger buyer base)...or something like that. Sorry, tried to sound all financially smart there for a minute. My bad.
I have had a ton of stuff to blog about, but as I said in the opening statement...
If you followed/follow my Twitter you know that we had a huge bubble bath explosion thanks to the kids. What you didn't know about that story was that it was not my house and I let them do it, because all kids should do it once. (Did you hear that, my darlings, that was your one time of doing it so I hope you had lots of fun) We had a shopvac handy, so clean up was a breeze and they had a ball. Made for a funny TwitPic as well.
I Twittered about many other things such as...
Mailing the kids to Timbuktu (totally not true. I would never do that. Shipping prices are too high, we are considering Peru)
I channeled the Muppet's Swedish Chef for dinner and had a whole lot of lettuce to clean up. (Totally worth it to see the kids faces as I yelled out "Bork Bork Bork" and threw lettuce in the air. The Man on the other hand began to search for a little white jacket for me with those nifty behind your back sleeves)
Doctor appts. and waiting rooms (why are the only magazine selections typically Car &Driver and National Geographic.)
Some things that I have not Twittered about but am praying for (I am going to include some vague prayer things about real people, real situations and fake names)
Princess Consulela BananaHat - she's been sick for a while and I know she would appreciate some healing. Praying she feels better real soon and collects all of her missing VDPs and NinjaTurtles.
Red Headed Cabinet Cleaner - Been having some back trouble complicated by pregnancy. Prayers that her pain eases and that some other things in her life will ease as well and she gets peace in her heart.
Texas Yarn Freak - Has had some major changes to look at/deal with/whatever. Prayers for everyone involved (especially hard headed people) that there is peace, some faith following, health and happiness.
That is all the major topics right now. Toodles
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
They are doing pretty good. One of them is turning 2 in 2 weeks, so that's all I have to say about that child (although no Gypsy clan has offered to take her as my ad recommended) The other child just cost us almost $400 because of the need to use 6 foot of toilet paper per wipe, in addition to sending toys to swirling deaths. I finally met one of my neighbors after almost 3 years of living here. Too bad it was on the grounds that our turds was knocking on his garage door. That's always an icebreaker with the neighbors. Hi, I am Alycia and I want you to meet our raw sewage.
We have begun to have talks with the girls about their new sister that is coming soon. Belly does not seem to grasp the concept (understandable at her age) but Buzz is starting to figure it out. Neither child knows there is a baby inside of me and I think we are all good with that
Speaking of a baby coming soon, it's not much longer. I am holding up very well; much better than with the last two. I have had no problems sleeping or with any nerves. Oh and I am still in regular jeans instead of maternity. Hee-Hee. Baby Bigfoot is an active little booger and has deemed my bladder as her personal beanbag chair.
House is still on the market. Nothing in that department. As we get closer to Bigfoot's birth, I am silently pleading that we don't have any takers. I am not the kind of woman who can move a couch, squat, have baby and hang a picture. So I don't mind waiting until mid-January.
My niece is having surgery tomorrow. Outpatient foot something or other. Anyways, it is wheelchair bound for a while. Prayers for her pain to be eased, recovery short and for her momma's patience as she endures a house bound pre-teen.
HG is doing as well as I can expect. I am learning some tough love techniques and enforcement of boundaries. I am afraid that I am not learning them quite fast enough though. One day at a time. Baby Steps and all that jazz.
The rains have come back. Right after I disassembled the ark and sent the olive branch bearing dove on her way. If I see another gray day, I am going to poke out my eyes. OK, yeah, that's extreme. I am just really tired of squishy, soggy, mushy days. I'm not just talking about oatmeal either.
That's all I got for now. Off to bed I go, hi-ho, hi-ho.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Of course there were some stipulations for this award. They are as follows...
1. Answer the survey below...you can only use one word answers!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers!
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!
1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Your hair? untidy
3. Your mother? resolute
4. Your father? tranquil
5. Your favorite food? spicy
6. Your dream last night? realtors
7. Your favorite drink? liquid
8. Your dream/goal? accomplished
9. What room are you in? MINE
10. Your hobby? writing
11. Your fear? disembodiment
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? older
13. Where were you last night? bed
14. Something that you aren’t? father
15. Muffins? eaten
16. Wish list item? peace
17. Where did you grow up? unfinished
18. Last thing you did? think
19. What are you wearing? clothing
20. Your TV? Sprout
21. Your pets? Sam
22. Friends? Dependable
23. Your life? Solid
24. Your mood? Meh
25. Missing someone? Yes
26. Vehicle? Mommyvan
27. Something you’re not wearing? Size 4
28. Your favorite store? Food
29. Your favorite color? Taupe
30. When was the last time you laughed? Unstoppable
31. Last time you cried? Past
32. Your best friend? Husband
33. One place that I go to over and over? Insanity
34. One person who emails me regularly? DietRx
35. Favorite place to eat? Fridge
As for my 6 bloggers....
Friday, October 2, 2009
1. What is your favorite ABBA song?
Take A Chance On Me. This question required more thought than any other 5 question I have done. Love ABBA, never seen MamaMia and much like MamaM, I just feel the need to groove when I hear their music. It's not pretty, but I do it anyways and I don't apologize for it.
2. The thing you love most about fall is...
Let's see; decrease in humidity, beautiful colors and the possibility of retiring the mower for the season? That's all good, but what I love the most is the anticipation of all my kiddos birthdays. I have a fall, winter and soon another winter baby, so I start getting excited at the first nip of chilly air on my tootsies.
3. What store you would love to spend to heart's desire (money is no object)?
I would have the biggest load ever from Coldwater Creek and then put it back running to the grocery store. Hello practicality and annoying frugality. I have tried to amputate that part, but it keeps growing back.
4. What is your favorite snack food?
Cookie Crisp cereal. It's fortified with all sorts of vitamins, plus you add milk...I mean, come on. You might as well take a multivitamin with how healthy this stuff is....
5. What was your first car?
Chrysler New Yorker. At one point a luxury car, this baby grew up to be a 16 year old's clunk wagon. Having my sweet 16 in July proved to be extra fatal with the car that had leather seats and a broken air conditioner. I lost many layers of fleshy back thigh to those scalding luxury seats.
YAY, it was so much fun to play again with you all!!!!!!