Top Twitters Thursday

I did a Best of Twitter where I showcased my funniest tweets. It went over so well that I decided to bring it back for a weekly post to also include some of your tweets that I found funny, inspirational or educational through the week.

• Dear 4yo, (sniff sniff) are you sure you didn't (sniff sniff) play in Mommy's perfume (sniff sniff) Is that REALLY your final answer?
• Husband complained the mashed taters were 2 dry at dinner. I poured a cup of water in his plate. Can't figure out why he didn't say thank u.
• I don't see the glass as half empty or half full. It's just another dang glass to wash and someone probably wants a refill.
• One more mosquito bite and I will have hit the max. limit of blood donation recommended by the American Red Cross.
• Why on earth would you ask if I am mad? I am just grateful you only used half a bottle of nail polish on your sister.
• God invented moms because He was tired of being the only one not listened to.

Your Tweets:

@parenthacks

You know what's sexy? Watching your husband sneak up on your unsuspecting kids while holding a full water balloon.

@alanamorales

New blog post: Monday Mom Moment - vlog - I give you permission, but don't tell anybody http://bit.ly/aKRdOV

@impassionedcat

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives

@thegypsymama

Sometimes I eat ice cream just as an excuse to eat chocolate syrup.

Since I didn't plan ahead for this post; I can't find a lot of the tweets that cracked me up (Mental note: make notes next week)

Who do you like following on Twitter and what Tweets did you find funny, educational or inspirational?

Best Of Twitter

I am really loving the list posts from the 31dbbb challenge. They are fun, easy and organized. So I thought I would bring you a "Best Of" list from my updates on Twitter in case you missed them.

• I have just been told that "No. Mermaids cant get out of the bath because they have no feet." Guess my kids have never seen a harpoon...

• If I had dreamed of being a short order cook when I grew up; I would be living a dream right now.

• Why wait for Calgon to take me away, when Southwest Airlines could do a much better job...

• Dear God, If I have been plucking the same eyebrow hairs for the past 15 years, can't you just "poof" them from existence? Much obliged.

• I am officially the High Priestess of Botanical. I have sacrificed many houseplants.

• Don't buy the fresh squash in my local grocery store...the 2 yo was licking them. #fail#parenting

• Just changed all the presets in my husband's truck #evilwifelaugh

• How did they know I was hiding in the closet eating a brownie? HOW?!?

• Just cleaned out the freezer and organized. Give that girl a Klondike bar...never mind, found one.

• My 2 yo is showing amazing creativity skills...I would have never thought to use peanut butter for body paint and the floor for a canvas.

• Domestic Bliss...About as easy to find as a leprechaun or unicorn.

• Thank you for pointing out my infant screaming...I really couldnt hear her with the bleeding eardrums and all.

• Dear Self, telling the two year old that her fish fillet is Nemo...not smart, not smart at all...

• Having to be out in this cold is violating my basic human right of "pursuit of happiness" Going to sue global warming...

• Just gave both girls a horsie-back ride at the same time. Horses are under-appreciated.

• Today is brought to you by the letter "C" and the number 12. Crazy starts with "C" and I will be there in 12 seconds...

• Dear Child, Do not eat bars of soap or crayons. They have no nutritional value and other kids are going to point and laugh at you. Love, Mom

• I dont know who she is, but if that "Mom" woman that the kids keep screaming for doesnt show up and cook dinner...we are all up a creek.

• Dont you hate when you put something down and cant remember where it is....until it cries?

• Garbage bag contents...meet floor. Floor...meet mop. Wet floor...meet dog feet. Dog...meet mad woman.

• Dear Dog, Those who dont wear pants and dont wipe are not welcome on my couch or bed. Bad boy...bad boy.

• Dear Self...undereye dark circle concealer. Use it...liberally. Tomorrow we need to talk about those laugh lines.

• Dear makers of Tylenol, Toddler dart gun dosing applicator...just saying...

• Dear XM radio, your kids station is awesome, but one more 80s pop song sung by helium huffing chipmunks and I will get my rifle.

• Dear 2 yr old, Screaming and throwing your toys at me...not wise, baby girl. Can you spell "disinherited" Love, Mom

• just got done clearing the kids leftover pancakes from breakfast...with my fork.

• Aint it cool how a 4 yo knnecap fits perfectly into your eye socket? Thanks for the black eye baby girl...this is going on your record.

• The oldest just helped herself to grahmn crackers and fudge icing while I was busy with Bitsy. I sent her back to get me some.

• I dont know why I dreaded taking all 3 to the doctor. Once the kicking, screaming and biting stopped; it was just fine.

• dear husband: please do not leave my van on empty or I shall leave your stomach the same way. Thanks, Your loving wife.

• Dear Unborn Child: Your living quarter rights are hereby revoked. Please use the nearest exit and evacuate in a timely manner.

• Nothing says good morning like busting a bag of trash on the carpet. Force Flex, you have failed me. Resolve Foam, we are still good!