Lessons Learned - 2010

Lessons Learned in 2010

Basic  lessons

• There is no "Easy Button" when you are a mom.
• There is an "Easier Button" if you look for it. Mine is Speed Dial #1 and its the "I'm calling your dad" direct line. When I push that button everything is easier.
• There are people who love waking up in the morning, frying bacon, baking biscuits and singing in the kitchen.
• Then there is me.
• If you pull out a pack of bacon and stare at it hard enough for 20 minutes, you can convince yourself that it might be spoiled.
• To be safe, feed the children cereal.
• Feel pride all day long from the certain food poisoning disaster you avoided.
• Go to bed that night and mention in your prayer to God that you were sorry you were lazy and lied to the children who wanted bacon.
• Husbands who had moms who cooked elaborate breakfasts are decidedly miffed when served cereal.
• Even after 10 years of marriage the comment "My mom always did...." will still come up.
• Husbands are the reason that mother-in-laws get such a bad rap.
• With Child #1 you did a constant sweep of the house to make sure there were no choking hazards on the floor.
• With Child #3 you teach the older ones who to do the "throat sweep" while you trip over tiny Legos.
• It is possible to get your thumb stuck in a minivan hatch to the point where you can't move.
• This is the type of thing that only happens to me.
• It's possible to control tears and cussing when children are present so you don't scare them while you are stuck and in pain.
• When the husband comes to your rescue and points/laughs first before rescuing you, you can not control the cussing part.
• Sometimes when you look at all your little crazy mistakes in the day; you wonder why God entrusted small children to your care.
• After you have asked forgiveness for the whole bacon incident; thank God that he gave you all those little beings to care for.

Selling your home lessons

• 12 years after the initial construction, it is a good idea to spruce up the house and update major features for selling.
• Carpet, paint and new floor tiling is a wonderful selling point.
• Before the new carpet, paint and floor tiling has been installed; you average around 5 showings every week.
• Once the new carpet, paint and floor tiling has been installed, not one person will look at your house for the next 3 months.
• 2 children and one dog can ruin the whole look of new carpet in about 3 weeks.
• The new paint will hold up about one week past the carpet.
• Although you had initially packed up most of your knick-knacks; they will slowly find their way back into the house after it hasn't shown for 3 months.
• Once the carpet looks worn, there are scuffs on the paint and the house generally looks like it threw up; you will get 5-6 showings a week again.
• Around this time the season of Spring has shown up.
• Before you put your house on the market, you could mow the grass every 10 days to keep it looking nice.
• A Realtor sign contains some kind of fertilizer. Once planted in your yard, the grass needs to be mowed every 2 days to keep it from being as tall as the trees.
• On the day the laundry is to be finished and there are 6 baskets of dirty clothes sitting around, you will get a call that the house is showing in an hour.
• You can stuff 3 loads of laundry in the dryer and the other 3 loads will fit in the car.
• A loaf of fresh bread takes around an hour to cook.
• While you are kneading the raw dough, you will get a call that the house is showing in an hour.
• Go ahead and finish your bread, it seems that Realtors and potential home buyers enjoy having fresh bread while touring your house.
• Have an exit plan similar to that of a fire escape and drill the children every day.
• You will get a call that the house is showing in one hour, when the kids are muddy, need a nap, have Legos strewn across the floor or are in a uncooperative mood.
• Those three laundry baskets will come in handy that you put in the car. Throw a child, toys and dog in one and carry it to the car too.

Grocery shopping with kids

• When you have small children, you will put off going to the store as long as possible.
• After trying to make a dinner out of a can of peaches, ranch dressing and 3 olives, it's time to go to the store.
• Gummy fruit snacks and coffee are the most important items on the 4 foot long list.
• You will go to the store that has the cool race car shopping carts, not the one with the best prices.
• You take extra diapers and clothes along with your coupons.
• Since you know your kids, you already have a pre-written apology letter to the manager of the store.
• The first meltdown occurs right inside the door when the children discover that all the cool race car shopping carts are being used.
• A trip to the free cookie counter will appease them for 20 minutes.
• You spend more time trying to put back the things the kids throw in the cart, than actually shopping.
• You will lose a child on Aisle 4, 7, 9 & 14
• Someone will break something on Aisle 3
• Meltdowns occur on the cookie, cereal and bakery aisle.
• You wonder why your child feels the need to poke the fresh meat packages.
• At the checkout line you are so busy explaining that the kids can't just eat the candy off the displays, that you forget your coupons.
• Once home you realize that you forgot the fruit gummy snacks and coffee.
• Somehow 3 boxes of cookies, a pack of frozen bagels, bottle of Fish Oil supplement and a bottle of Cinderella hand soap made it into your groceries.
• You are so mentally wiped from shopping, you order a pizza.

Kids have no sense of humor

3 year olds are not amused when a parent hides in their closet to throw ice cold water on them.

4 year olds will declare themselves a Vegan when a parent drives by a cow pasture and points out the hamburgers.

Shorting sheets does not work on those under 4 feet tall.

Putting a fake spider in the bathtub will result in a boycott of bath time.

Replacing their bowl of vanilla ice cream with sour cream does not cause laughter but puking.

Putting an ice cube in a diaper loses the shock factor when the wetness is just absorbed.

Finding a perfect hiding spot is not recommended when playing with children under 3. This has a tendency to bring back all the separation anxiety.

When working in the kitchen, do not coat hand with ketchup and begin screaming. Children under 5 do not appreciate gory humor.

Putting Vaseline on the seat of a toilet does not encourage a toddler to potty train as they continually slide off into the floor.

Teaching "knock knock" jokes is impossible when one has the attention span of a gnat and drools constantly.

Playing Momma

Over the years I have wondered if Buzz was getting the message of compassion shown in every day actions. She is sweet, but pretty aloof. Last night I got my answer. I have a horrible cold and was in the grips of the worst of it last night around bed time. She curled up in bed with me and started rubbing my hair from my forehead the same way I do hers. She asked, "sick, momma?" When I told her I was, she started chatting non-stop. Not the most wonderful thing when your head is pounding, but I can think of worse.

She began telling me that she would take me to the doctor, then to the toy store to get a special toy. She then told me that she would rub my back, get me a special blanket, make me some soup and read me a story. About this time I began to cry. She was showing compassion, but she was also showing me what I do that makes her feel better. She was mirroring what she had been shown.

When my children are sick sometimes I just go into autopilot. I did not really realize the things that I was doing that were showing compassion. I want to make them feel better, but after a dose of Tylenol and some rest sometimes I feel my job is done. I do all the other things that she mentioned but never put much thought into it. There are so many lessons I try to teach my kids that at their ages I am not sure they "get it". As I start watching them a little closer with their baby dolls, the advice they give each other (blow on the soup because its really hot) I am realizing more and more how every little action speaks in very loud volumes to them. When I rub a back or get a special blanket, I am showing them compassion and love.

As I fell asleep to the non-stop chatter, I felt better than I had all day.

A Present Overlooked

For several weeks now a Christmas gift for the girls has been in the garage. Its what they both wanted more than anything and between my parents and us; we made it possible for them.

The box actually has a picture on the outside of it that shows the assembled product, but the box sits among other boxes and the girls have not noticed it. The other boxes in the garage they have known the contents of since we moved in earlier this year. Books that haven't been put up, outgrown clothes and other knick knacks that have not been placed in our house yet. Because they think they know what the boxes in the garage contain; they do not notice this large box that contains their dream. Every day they walk by the box with its contents plainly pictured and every day they don't realize its contents. They are so blinded by what experience has taught them.

How often do we have "presents" in our life that we simply overlook? Just because they are not under a tree with a shiny bow on them, we walk past them. We have in our minds an idea of what a present looks like and when it shows up in a plain box, we just keep searching.

Perhaps you are looking for a friend. Did you notice everyone today that may have smiled at you regardless of their age, sex, color or social status?

Perhaps you want a new start for your life. Did you notice every small opportunity that was presented today or were you looking for the big opportunity only?

Maybe you wanted a relationship to heal. Did you take every chance to be kind in your actions, words and thoughts?

Did you want to beat the sadness that is within you? Did you notice the sun coming up, the food that you had for breakfast and all the other blessings that you will have today that show that you are loved?

Do you have presents in plain sight that you are overlooking?

Thankfulness

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for...

• 6 half used jars of peanut butter and 8 barely used jars of jelly that are cluttering up the pantry. It means that we have been blessed and my family has enough to eat.
• The fact that I could find no cold medicine for my splitting sinus headache. It means that my family has been healthy this year.
• The radio station that dropped the F-bomb this morning that I quickly changed before my children repeated it. It means I live in a country that celebrates its freedoms and all the men/women who sacrificed their lives to ensure that I have those freedoms.
• The slight feeling of dread at the loud chaos that will take over as 6 adults and 6 children sit down to devour a turkey. It means that I have been blessed with lots of family.
• The chair that will be empty this year. It means that my Nana no longer suffers, has no pain, no need for wet towels for her head, no frustrations of earthly binds and is celebrating in heaven with her Maker. It also means missing someone means loving them.
• The traditional gravy that always makes me gag a little. It means that my mother loves us enough to keep with tradition and its always good for a little ribbing year after year.
• The long and tiring drive to the grocery store for "provisions". It means that we were blessed enough to find our dream house in the country.
• The 8 shirts that need to be ironed for The Man. It means that I have a husband to care for that cares for me.
• The fight that will start as I try to chase down my girls and get them dressed to leave. It means that my children have plenty of energy and independence.
• My email box and text messages that are full and running down my cell phone battery. It means I live in a time where technology allows me to reach out and connect with family and friends. It also means that someone out there cares that I get a student loan and have white teeth.

During this time of Thankfulness, I want to update on my last post "Involved". Baby Sophia is now resting in Our Father's arms after a long fight here on Earth. Today is the funeral and while we begin to count our blessings, please remember those who are struggling to feel "blessed" right now. To those in my lives who have suffered a loss, holidays are a difficult time especially when the loss is raw and fresh. I am so Thankful to have had the blessing of meeting Baby Sophia and all of her family. Her family and her were an inspiration to me. I am thankful for Sophia's family. That they gave her life and showed her the strength of love during her fight. I am thankful to watch all of Sophia's family hold tight to faith and surround each other in love.

We have all been so blessed. Sometimes the blessings are small and personal, sometimes they overwhelm us. Be thankful this year for the small and large.

I will be picking back up the blogging after Thursday. I am thankful for all of you and have a great time this Thanksgiving!

Lessons Learned - Kids Have No Sense Of Humor

Kids are not born with a sense of humor. Humor must be something that is perfected over time.
Lessons in kids with no humor:

• 3 year olds are not amused when a parent hides in their closet to throw ice cold water on them.
• 4 year olds will declare themselves a Vegan when a parent drives by a cow pasture and points out the hamburgers.
• Shorting sheets does not work on those under 4 feet tall.
• Putting a fake spider in the bathtub will result in a boycott of bath time.
• Replacing their bowl of vanilla ice cream with sour cream does not cause laughter but puking.
• Putting an ice cube in a diaper loses the shock factor when the wetness is just absorbed.
• Finding a perfect hiding spot is not recommended when playing with children under 3. This has a tendency to bring back all the separation anxiety.
• When working in the kitchen, do not coat hand with ketchup and begin screaming. Children under 5 do not appreciate gory humor.
• Putting Vaseline on the seat of a toilet does not encourage a toddler to potty train as they continually slide off into the floor.
• Teaching "knock knock" jokes is impossible when one has the attention span of a gnat and drools constantly.

What has proved to you that kids have no sense of humor?

Lessons Learned - Vol 6

1. There is no "Easy Button" when you are a mom.
2. There is an "Easier Button" if you look for it. Mine is Speed Dial #1 and its the "I'm calling your dad" direct line. When I push that button everything is easier.
3. There are people who love waking up in the morning, frying bacon, baking biscuits and singing in the kitchen.
4. Then there is me.
5. If you pull out a pack of bacon and stare at it hard enough for 20 minutes, you can convince yourself that it might be spoiled.
6. To be safe, feed the children cereal.
7. Feel pride all day long from the certain food poisoning disaster you avoided.
8. Go to bed that night and mention in your prayer to God that you were sorry you were lazy and lied to the children who wanted bacon.
9. Husbands who had moms who cooked elaborate breakfasts are decidedly miffed when served cereal.
10. Even after 10 years of marriage the comment "My mom always did...." will still come up.
11. Husbands are the reason that mother-in-laws get such a bad rap.
12. With Child #1 you did a constant sweep of the house to make sure there were no choking hazards on the floor.
13. With Child #3 you teach the older ones who to do the "throat sweep" while you trip over tiny Legos.
14. It is possible to get your thumb stuck in a minivan hatch to the point where you can't move.
15. This is the type of thing that only happens to me.
16. It's possible to control tears and cussing when children are present so you don't scare them while you are stuck and in pain.
17. When the husband comes to your rescue and points/laughs first before rescuing you, you can not control the cussing part.
18. Sometimes when you look at all your little crazy mistakes in the day; you wonder why God entrusted small children to your care.
19. After you have asked forgiveness for the whole bacon incident; thank God that he gave you all those little beings to care for.

This is why we can't have nice things...

Between having kids, dogs and Murphy Law there is no way that we can ever have nice things.

These are not my kids. My kids would be dead or at least military school. This is from Google Images.

I have learned many lessons about this type of thing with my kids.

1. A toilet bowl will effectively flush up to 16 squares of double-ply before running over into the floor.
2. A plastic Wonder Pet is equal to 17 squares of double-ply.
3. A couch cushion will temporarily hide a nasty pull-up from a mother who thought potty training was almost over.
4. Sitting on couch cushion will squish the pull-up like a mustard packet.
5. A ziplock baggie full of plastic toys is a rare treasure that must be hidden from siblings
6. A 2 year old thinks that a cold oven is the best place to hide the treasure.
7. A mother must learn to check the oven for treasures before preheating to 450.
8. Plastic figurines will melt at 250 and will become dripping molten lava at 450.
9. If you choose to purchase a 25lb of flour and 25lb of sugar make sure they can be locked up and away from kids.
10. 50lbs of dry goods will fill up 3.5 vacuum bags.
11. Dawn dish washing liquid makes excellent bubbles for a bubble bath.
12. Small children understand the mechanics of turning a faucet on but not off.
13. An upstairs sink is the best place to try out "The Great Fountain and River of Bubbles 2010"
14. Peanut butter, honey and jelly should all have child proof tops like prescription drugs.
15. Spoons magically disappear from the drawer.
16. Dogs like the taste of plastic blocks, Little People and paper towels
17. A paper towel roll showed by a dog will actually spread evenly over 2500 square feet.
    

Why can't you have nice things??

How To Sell A House - Lessons Learned

We have had our house on the market since October of 2009. Here are some things that I have learned.

1. 12 years after the initial construction, it is a good idea to spruce up the house and update major features for selling.
2. Carpet, paint and new floor tiling is a wonderful selling point.
3. Before the new carpet, paint and floor tiling has been installed; you average around 5 showings every week.
4. Once the new carpet, paint and floor tiling has been installed, not one person will look at your house for the next 3 months.
5. 2 children and one dog can ruin the whole look of new carpet in about 3 weeks.
6. The new paint will hold up about one week past the carpet.
7. Although you had initially packed up most of your knick-knacks; they will slowly find their way back into the house after it hasn't shown for 3 months.
8. Once the carpet looks worn, there are scuffs on the paint and the house generally looks like it threw up; you will get 5-6 showings a week again.
9. Around this time the season of Spring has shown up.
10. Before you put your house on the market, you could mow the grass every 10 days to keep it looking nice.
11. A Realtor sign contains some kind of fertilizer. Once planted in your yard, the grass needs to be mowed every 2 days to keep it from being as tall as the trees.
12. On the day the laundry is to be finished and there are 6 baskets of dirty clothes sitting around, you will get a call that the house is showing in an hour.
13. You can stuff 3 loads of laundry in the dryer and the other 3 loads will fit in the car.
14. A loaf of fresh bread takes around an hour to cook.
15. While you are kneading the raw dough, you will get a call that the house is showing in an hour.
16. Go ahead and finish your bread, it seems that Realtors and potential home buyers enjoy having fresh bread while touring your house.
17. Have an exit plan similar to that of a fire escape and drill the children every day.
18. You will get a call that the house is showing in one hour, when the kids are muddy, need a nap, have Legos strewn across the floor or are in a uncooperative mood.
19. Those three laundry baskets will come in handy that you put in the car. Throw a child, toys and dog in one and carry it to the car too.

Lessons Learned - In A Car

Lessons Learned In A Car With Small Children

1. That decision to sit in between the children on a long car ride? STUPID.
2. Children think that if you are sitting close then you are available for picking on.
3. Somehow they forget you are the mother
4. Ford Minivans' back bench seat will hold 2 car seats and a mother with a width of 18 inches.
5. I am not 18 inches wide
6. Carseats can dig into thighs and leave bruises after an extended amount of time
7. Children who love seeing cows, love to imitate the sound of cows.
8. Listening to cows for 45 minutes at top volume can drive anyone insane.
9. Stopping at the first gas station for restroom time is a great idea
10. Nobody has to use the restroom at the first stop
11. The next gas station is 40 miles away
12. 20 miles both children have to pee
13. 24 miles both children claim agony at having to pee
14. 26 miles the father gives the "You should have gone when I stopped" lecture
15. 28 miles there is a nice overgrowth on the side of the road
16. There is no toilet paper in the car
17. Shaking dry is not an option with girls
18. A baby sock will do in a pinch
19. Don't pick up the baby sock on the side of the road at mile 28
20. Cows sounds will resume when bladders are empty
21. Stop for food and both children protest french fries
22. 2 miles away from restaurant, both children have consumed the mother's fries
23. Baby begins to cry
24. 2 hours later after trying everything, baby is still crying
25. Mother begins to cry
26. Older children fall asleep leaning on Mother
27. Mother's arms start to go to sleep from the weight of little heads
28. Mother begins banging head against the head rest
29. Mother continues crying as drool drips down both arms
30. Now Mother has to pee

Lessons Learned - Vol. 5

1. Coffee, when used correctly, will help you become more alert.
2. The first cup of coffee will not produce results for at least 45 minutes.
3. When making the kids milk (which is powdered) use something other than the glass jar.
   
4. Do not put breast milk in a similar jar as the bigger kids milk.
5. A sleep deprived mom who has not had that 1st cup of coffee can not tell the difference in the two jars.
6. Breast milk curdles in hot coffee.
7. Toddlers love to play in the fridge.
8. Toddlers think it is funny to feed the dog directly from the fridge.
9. An average size dog's stomach can not hold one full stick of butter.
10. A stick of butter combined with dog yak is hard to get off the carpet.
11. What butter did not land on the carpet will "grease the way" for the other end of the dog.
12. Dog's with loose poopies are hazardous to the new carpet.
13. Homemakers are hazardous to doggies who can not control their bowels.
14. Consuming too much butter is your own fault.
15. Putting down new carpet and painting so the house will sell appears to be a magnet for disasters.
16. Mommy can't handle too many more disasters.
17. Mommy needs a drink. A strong one. With no curdled milk.
    

Lessons Learned Today - Vol. 3

Lessons Learned

1. Painting a cream colored door white requires the use of primer first.
2. Uneducated painters who do not know this, will have to put at least 5 coats of paint on to make the door white.
3. A coat of paint will add thickness to the door.
4. Always make sure the door is totally dry before closing the door.
5. Once your new white, thick door is closed, make sure you have a man and some rope to ever get door open again.

6. You will not know the door requires this unless the food delivery person is at the front door, the kids are screaming, the dog barking and you are starving.
7. Never try to save a article of clothing back for a special occasion, in which you have got to have it.
8. If you are trying to keep an article of clothing good for a special occasion, do not put it on for even 5 minutes to show someone how it looks on you.
9. A 50 lb child, pulling on the neck line of a special piece of clothing will rip it beyond repair.
10. Turning it around backwards is not a wonderful solution.
11. The store in which you purchased the certain item will not carry your size ever again.
12. Crying solves nothing.
13. Crying until snot runs will prompt a man to get you a milkshake at 2am.
14. Trying the same thing the next night will not work to gain a milkshake.
15. A milkshake will solve most wardrobe malfunctions.
16. Going to the RedBox movie rental is a wonderful plan.
17. Children who like pudding should not be allowed to eat it while watching a movie.
18. Children watching a movie, with pudding, should not be unattended for more than 2 seconds.
19. 3 ounces of pudding will fit inside a DVD player.
20. Pudding will render a DVD player useless.
21. A $1 movie is nothing but a coaster if you don't have a working DVD player.

Lessons Learned Today

1. Do not assume that the spice with the red lid is garlic.
2. Lemon Pepper "garlic" bread tastes like crap with lasagna.
3. Lemon Pepper bread makes dog puke.
4. Just because no child has turned over a gallon of paint on the carpet for the past 12 days, does not mean it won't ever happen.
5. Cleaning up dog puke, paint and child poop on the carpet will take a full bottle of Resolve and a breathing mask for pregnant mom.
6. Just because potty training child dropped a 10lb stink pickle in the toilet, do not put on cotton panties within 5 minutes after the deed.
7. The average stink pickle must be 15lbs.
8. If you leave clothes in the washer for more than 24 hours, they will mildew.
9. Prayer does not stop mildew.
10. 15 dryer sheets will not remove mildew smell.
11. Husband will notice mildew smell when he puts on his uniform, regardless of 15 dryer sheets and half a spray bottle of Febreeze.
12. Wet paint on the door attracts dog tail hair, children's hands and a husband's butt already in his uniform.
13. Painting doors with anyone breathing in the house is futile at best.
14. Painting a perfectly good antique white door with ultra white is just stupid.
15. Painting anything is stupid.
16. Keeping only one uniform clean for husband is begging for someone to stick their butt in your fresh paint.
17. After 10 years of marriage, husband knows that an eye twitch and a snicker means you are not telling him something.
18. Small children will be honest and loudly proclaim that "Daddy has a white butt"
19. Husband will want to change his uniform 45 seconds before having to leave to go to work.
20. See #16.
21. Trading uniform with mildew smell and paint on the butt for the uniform worn yesterday that reeks of man sweat will require the other half of the Febreeze bottle used in Lesson #11.
22. Men who wear a man sweat soaked uniform do not speak politely to their wives.
23. Tylenol is not enough at the end of the day sometimes.
24. Tylenol PM (with its active sleep inducing ingredient) will solve the rest of these problems.