Just For Her...

  

She hugs my legs for just a moment and then runs out of my sight. She hasn't gone far because I can hear the patter of her bare feet accompanying her hysterical giggle. No more than ten seconds will pass and she will be back. I know this game so I sit cross legged on the floor and wait for her. Her chubby legs toddle her back to my waiting arms and she smiles in satisfaction that she was right...I was there waiting for her. We do this dozens of times in a row and no matter where she goes, I wait until she comes back. 

Hugs, giggles, kisses and smiles; waiting just for her.

It's a game, but it's not. 

She's testing to see if I will always be there when she comes back. She's learning that she can exist without me.

Every time she goes off on an adventure, her feet take her a little farther than before. The dining room, the living room and an attempt to tackle the stairs; each place is more distant than the last and she looks back a little less than before.

Kindergarten, High School, First Car, First Date, College, Marriage and an attempt to tackle this life. Each place will be more distant than the last and she will look back a little less each time.

She will learn that she can exist without me, but she'll always know that I will be here waiting for her when she returns.

Hugs, giggles, kisses and smiles; waiting just for her.

Playing Momma

Over the years I have wondered if Buzz was getting the message of compassion shown in every day actions. She is sweet, but pretty aloof. Last night I got my answer. I have a horrible cold and was in the grips of the worst of it last night around bed time. She curled up in bed with me and started rubbing my hair from my forehead the same way I do hers. She asked, "sick, momma?" When I told her I was, she started chatting non-stop. Not the most wonderful thing when your head is pounding, but I can think of worse.

She began telling me that she would take me to the doctor, then to the toy store to get a special toy. She then told me that she would rub my back, get me a special blanket, make me some soup and read me a story. About this time I began to cry. She was showing compassion, but she was also showing me what I do that makes her feel better. She was mirroring what she had been shown.

When my children are sick sometimes I just go into autopilot. I did not really realize the things that I was doing that were showing compassion. I want to make them feel better, but after a dose of Tylenol and some rest sometimes I feel my job is done. I do all the other things that she mentioned but never put much thought into it. There are so many lessons I try to teach my kids that at their ages I am not sure they "get it". As I start watching them a little closer with their baby dolls, the advice they give each other (blow on the soup because its really hot) I am realizing more and more how every little action speaks in very loud volumes to them. When I rub a back or get a special blanket, I am showing them compassion and love.

As I fell asleep to the non-stop chatter, I felt better than I had all day.

Coloring Outside The Lines - Keywords and Tags

I check from time to time to see what keywords or tags someone used to find my blog. There have been times I have laughed out loud (monkey butt, slip on banana) There have been times I have scratched my head (enter super confusing phrase of someone who has no clue what they are searching for and were highly disappointed when they landed here) Lately though it seems a huge keyword or phrase has been, "When will my child color inside the lines" I bet they are pretty disappointed when they land here.

Coloring inside the lines...really? As a parent that is a milestone you are concerned with right now? I do searches more along the lines of:

• when will a child quit putting things up their nose
• when does a child understand the concept of too much toilet paper and a septic system
• how to enforce a strict no smearing poptarts on the tapestry couch rule

Coloring outside the lines is a must for children and adults! I do not encourage or enforce using the lines for "rules". I want my children to look at a piece of paper with a line drawing of an elephant holding a balloon and see something bigger, go wild with possibilities and then make it happen! Likewise, when they become adults and they see a "life situation" I want them to see something bigger, go wild with possibilities and then make it happen.

Perhaps it is an important milestone. To watch your child gain enough control to curb their creativity and conform to the rules of the lines. (alright....maybe I worded that a little strong) It's just not my thing or style of parenting. I parent with strict moral core values but no hands on the reigns of creativity, intellectual learning or the desire to be a concert belcher. We don't just "dream big" but we "live big".

Back to those keywords though...All of you who actually searched for "The Crayon Wrangler", you have made me feel a little bit famous for a while in cyberland!

I have had some issues with blogging lately, so it feels good that you are still looking for me. Just as we face things in our lives and change with each life lesson; sometimes all areas of our lives need a change. This blog is an extension of me; my life. Just as I have begun to change, it needs to change. I will be focusing on new directions with the same theme (same ole' me) as the year draws to a close.

I would like some input from YOU though...what are some topics that I touched this past year that you would like to hear more from me on? What are some features that I have done that you would like to see more of?

Falling Into Failure

This past weekend our oldest daughter Buzz made up her mind that she wanted to try to ride her bike without the training wheels. She anxiously watched as I took each side off and we discussed what a big girl she was for riding without the training wheels. I set the bike up on just two wheels and that's when she "fell into failure".

She began to realize that it was going to be unsteady and started to doubt herself. Before she even got onto the bike she was convinced that it was going to be too hard and she would fall. I assured her that I would hold on until she could do it herself and that I would not let her fall. She sat on the seat and could feel how unsteady it was underneath her. She promptly got back off and begged for the training wheels to be put back on.

Before she could actually fall she "fell into failure."

Often times we are faced with a new situation in our lives and although we are initially excited about the new venture; that little voice in the back of our head says we are not ready and we are going to fall. We seek reassurance from people who love us and they tell us that they will be there to hold us up, but still we are consumed by our fear and self doubt.

I did finally convince Buzz to at least try. I told her that she might fall but she was over the grass so it wouldn't hurt and I would be right there to help her back up. She got to the point that she accepted that she was going to fall, but that she could keep trying. We began a few laps around the yard and on her cue, I would let go and yes, she fell. She got very frustrated every time she fell and we finally decided together that we would put the training wheels back on and she could try again later. After the wheels were put back on, she rode all around the yard with confidence that she wouldn't fall. After she was done renewing her love for riding without fear, she again asked for the wheels to be taken off. She continued to fall and we took off and put those wheels back on a dozen times. Each time she feared those falls less but understood that it was just going to take time and skill to do it right.

How often do we revert back to comfortable and safe actions when we are scared of failure? But when we do venture and try we are able to accept those falls as part of learning. The falls aren't as scary and they are seen as growth. I encourage you to take your training wheels off this week in a new skill. Yes, you might fall but that doesn't mean you have to stay down! Don't let yourself "fall into failure" before you even start.

Just Once

Just once I would like to introduce my child and give no disclaimer.

Just once I would to like to have a conversation with my child.

Just once I would like to look at other children and not compare.

Just once I would like to not have to play the interpreter.

Just once I wish I had the grace to be the mom she deserves all the time.

It has taken me almost 5 years to accept the fact that I have a special needs child. It wasn't because I thought I was too good to have a special needs child; it was simply because I thought she was too perfect to be a special needs child.

By the end of the day my heart hurts.


By the end of a lesson my heart hurts.


By the end of a play date my heart hurts.

Sometimes when my heart hurts I am not a great mom. The frustration and sadness overwhelm and my reactions are knee jerk. My responses are impatient and my tone is bitter.

I know better and I do it anyways.

The power a mother has over her children is a crushing weight; the demand to always meet needs and mold character. Some days I am less than impressed with the way my children saw me. How I failed to meet expectations and hurt feelings. I have to remind myself that fighting a battle isn't easy and sometimes I am weary. In that moment, I have to accept that I have a special needs child and that is a separate battle.

Just once I would like to understand everything my child tells me.

Just once I would like to have a moment of clear communication.

Just once I would like a clear diagnosis so I can understand our enemy.

It has to be something more than just a lack of communication. It has to be some form of something bigger.

Can this speech delay really be all it is? Is that what causes the emotional problems?

It has to be something bigger.

Just once I would like to understand.

Lessons Learned - Vol 6

1. There is no "Easy Button" when you are a mom.
2. There is an "Easier Button" if you look for it. Mine is Speed Dial #1 and its the "I'm calling your dad" direct line. When I push that button everything is easier.
3. There are people who love waking up in the morning, frying bacon, baking biscuits and singing in the kitchen.
4. Then there is me.
5. If you pull out a pack of bacon and stare at it hard enough for 20 minutes, you can convince yourself that it might be spoiled.
6. To be safe, feed the children cereal.
7. Feel pride all day long from the certain food poisoning disaster you avoided.
8. Go to bed that night and mention in your prayer to God that you were sorry you were lazy and lied to the children who wanted bacon.
9. Husbands who had moms who cooked elaborate breakfasts are decidedly miffed when served cereal.
10. Even after 10 years of marriage the comment "My mom always did...." will still come up.
11. Husbands are the reason that mother-in-laws get such a bad rap.
12. With Child #1 you did a constant sweep of the house to make sure there were no choking hazards on the floor.
13. With Child #3 you teach the older ones who to do the "throat sweep" while you trip over tiny Legos.
14. It is possible to get your thumb stuck in a minivan hatch to the point where you can't move.
15. This is the type of thing that only happens to me.
16. It's possible to control tears and cussing when children are present so you don't scare them while you are stuck and in pain.
17. When the husband comes to your rescue and points/laughs first before rescuing you, you can not control the cussing part.
18. Sometimes when you look at all your little crazy mistakes in the day; you wonder why God entrusted small children to your care.
19. After you have asked forgiveness for the whole bacon incident; thank God that he gave you all those little beings to care for.

Being The Parent Stinks When There Are Hard Questions

I haven't been around the past couple of days (this is starting to become a trend) because I had to be a parent. No really...I did it and let me tell you that being the parent really stinks when you have to answer hard questions, deal with heartache and you are the bad guy.

Why can't every day be play-doh and giggles?

Ya'll know that Buzz took the stray that showed up as her "baby". She loved that dog with a ferocity and the pup loved her with the same strength. They did everything together and were inseparable.

This is where something always happens to prove that life isn't fair.

The pup is gone. Buzz blames her father, she blames me and mostly can't put her heartache, sadness, anger, confusion, etc. into words.

I started off being honest with her as I thought good parents should do. Just the facts and I'll help you deal with them. There wasn't anything to hide from her anyways and she's old enough right????

Then came being a parent. That moment when you see them crumpled in the floor, crying their heart out, begging you to fix it and you would give your life to stop the hurt in their eyes. You lie. You say the things that your child need to hear right then. You cry with them because the agony of their pain is too great and because you have now created a "fairy tale" for your child; you have to provide the happy ending. Whatever it takes.

I spent the majority of the day yesterday taking Buzz to every pound, rescue, etc. trying to find her "the puppy who needed her". I kid not when I tell you we looked at no less than 60 dogs and there was not a single one that she liked. Wouldn't even pet them. I thought perhaps she was trying to believe that if she looked hard enough she would find her lost pup.

Then we found Libby.

The moment that she saw her it was love. Libby has some of the characteristics of the "lost one" but is a distinctly different dog. Libby is a long haired dachshund with the face of an angel. She has filled the place that was lost. I snuck in and watched Buzz sleeping last night. Smile on her face and one arm thrown over the sleeping Libby.

I know I can't always give my children a happy ending. I know I will have to answer hard questions. I know sometimes they are going to "hate" me. I know life is unfair and sometimes they will suffer and there will be nothing I can do.

For now though, there is Libby.

The Bucket List

Today my family is doing our "Bucket List" as a joint effort.

One head in the bucket at a time according to the "puke" list. Hence the term "Bucket List" (You thought I was talking about skydiving and wrestling an alligator, huh?)

Seems everyone in the house has the stomach bug at the same time. At least we are learning to share. That means bucket duty, lysol duty, sprite and crackers duty and major laundry duty for Mom. (Yay Me!)

It started yesterday with the 2yo. She made her grand debut in front of my "puke sensitive" dad who had just come over to visit. My parents helped me get everything cleaned up and hung around until my husband (Mr. Reinforcement) showed up to help. Then they were gone faster than an ice cream cone on a 100 degree day. The 2 yo is a fast learner and in no time learned to just sit on the edge of the sink to do "her business" and use the sprayer to clean it up.

3 hours later the 4 yo started. She is the Meryl Streep of The Puking Academy. High pitched screaming, arms flailing, foot stomping and no regard what-so-ever for aiming. She is best suited to be strapped down on a tarp.

30 minutes into the award winning performance of The Pukemeister, the baby started. No fuss was made, just a surprised "Hey, look what I just did...OH...I can finger paint with this"

The husband made some kind of remark about his super immune system and how he hasn't been sick a day since 1991.

Insert Karma, Murphy Law or God just laughing at you.

Now everyone is laid out in the floor and it looks like some kind of cult ritual or hangover party from the day before.

I am prancing around the bodies with cans of Lysol, cups of Sprite for re hydration and a new found respect for triage teams.

Did I mention the baby is also teething?

Oy

Things "What To Expect" Didn't Teach me

I have heard tales of pregnant women everywhere settling in for another sleepless night with their bowl of peanut butter ice cream, Cheese Whiz and their new copy of "What To Expect When You Are Expecting". I believe the purchase of this book is almost a requirement when a new baby is on the way. It's a book filled with tons of information about all aspects of pregnancy, labor, delivery, postpartum care and newborn baby stuff. At times the information is a little too much and parts of the book can be downright scary. You add your knowledge from that along with what Google can teach you and you shall spend 9 months in paralyzing fear of a twitch that doesn't seem normal and you decided to look it up.

I assume because of the sale of this book was so popular, they have put out others covering infant/child issues. Once again, don't look up a bump on a child's arm and try to diagnose it using the book or Google. Your brain has enough to do without freaking out over a misdiagnosed mosquito bite. There is a book that needs to be written, as some things weren't covered.

Things To Expect When You Were Least Expecting

Chapters in this book will cover the following topics:

1. Ghostly kid cries. This is when you are working around the house or sleeping and you swear you heard your baby cry. There is no TV or radio on, but you distinctly heard a baby cry. It's possible that it is a possessed doll somewhere in your house that you haven't allowed your child to take in the bathtub to short it out yet, but it happens in doll-less houses as well.
2. Missing table spoons. This is a common complaint from moms of every age, location and every other demographic. It's not unique; you are not alone. Table spoons will disappear in the house of the young child. About every 3 months you will need to purchase new flatware. Good thing is you can now just purchase the spoons you need separately. Even the flatware departments understand this phenomenon. Don't bother trying to look for them. Trust me as someone who has bought no less than 15 sets of spares in the past 4 years, they are gone. Nothing to recover. (This phenomenon also affects baby/toddler socks. Random disappearances)
   
3. Parental speech patterns. Once you become a parent your speech changes. This is difficult to rid yourself of and quite annoying at those dinner parties that your husband has made you attend or any other social event for adults only. You will find yourself announcing your every move out loud and speaking in third party. "Mommy is going to the drink station", "Mommy zipped her dress all by herself" "Mommy will be nice and not yell at that nice man that daddy works with" "Mommy knows you are always nice to others and you never push or bite"
4. Forgetting the names of those who matter. This is especially true if you have more than one child. You won't remember anyone's name that you meet, but you can list off every character in Yo Gabba Gabba, Thomas the Train or Dora. If you have more than one child, you have a tendency to say everyone's name in the house (including pets) as fast as you can until the child you are talking to recognizes their name and responds.
5. Kids are weird. No matter how smart Suzy is or how well behaved Johnny is; you can bet your buttons that there are times that they are just plain weird. It's those moments that you cock your head like a dog with a silent whistle and just observe the weirdness. You will self talk about "Is this normal?" You will probably google it and hopefully it led you here to my blog. No doubt about it, kids do some really messed up stuff. It's all part of learning, exploring and entertaining us (which is why we have kids anyways, right?)

What were you not expecting?

Little White Lies

I was reading the new Real Simple Family magazine that came today and found the most hilarious article with reader submissions about what little white lies do you tell your children.

Even though we try to teach our children the importance of honesty, we all have probably slipped out a little white lie in favor of the truth.

Little white lies that I have told:

No, Dora the Explorer does not come on today so we will go outside and play.

You don't want those white cookies, they taste yucky. (actually they are mommy's favorite that she doesn't want to share)

If you pee in the pool it will set off an alarm and everyone will know.

I have a teleconference with Santa today to go over how you are doing this year.

So what little white lie have you told their children?

Getting Kids To Listen

Please pick up your toys, my darling child.

Pick up your toys, please.

Hey you! Pick up these toys NOW!

IF YOU DON'T PICK UP YOUR TOYS, I'M GONNA....

Getting kids to listen to you is like being a one armed wallpaper hanger. It can be done, but its darn near impossible. The funny thing is that your kids are listening to you. Ever slipped out a "naughty word" and thought nobody heard you? Yup, that's getting repeated at church next week. Ever mentioned that you are thinking about making cookies? Yessire, you are going to hear that repeated to you for the next 6 hours in 45 seconds intervals. So see, they ARE listening to you. Children are equipped with selective hearing though. It has a neat little filter that catches phrases that are directing them to do something "Not Fun" and tossing it in the brain garbage.

So, how do you talk so kids will listen?

Make listening fun! It bypasses that little filter and you have effectively tricked your child into listening to you.

Ways to make listening and following directions fun:

1. Talk in a whisper like its a secret. Kids find listening to secrets incredibly fun!
   
2. Make the chore a game. "Race mommy to pick up the most toys" Turn on the radio and challenge them to see how much they can get done before the song is over.
3. Give options instead of demands. Instead of "Brush your teeth or else..." try saying "Do you want to brush your teeth first or put on your pajamas?" Giving kids choices helps them do what you want, but they believe it was their idea.

What are some ways you get your kids to listen?

Real Conversations With A Brick Wall

We have all had those moments when we feel like we are talking to a brick wall (and wanting to beat our heads into one) and nothing we are saying is being heard.

I recently had the opportunity to interview Mr. Brick Wall and talk about some of the conversations he has participated in.


Here are the top 10 conversations with Mr. Brick Wall.

1. Would you turn that TV off and pick up your toys, socks, etc. up off the floor.
2. But green beans are good for you.
3. No honey, I don't think a 87 inch TV will benefit the household.
4. Please don't throw a fit in the middle of the store because you are tired or want a cookie.
5. Quit touching, kicking, biting, spitting, etc. on your sibling.
6. Does this dress make my butt look big?
7. I don't care if everyone else has a Mohawk, tattoo and nose piercing. You are in Kindergarten.
8. Try telling me at least a week before you needs a project finished for school next time.
9. But you said if I let you have a dog that YOU would feed, water, walk and clean up after it.
10. Give me 5 minutes alone to go to the bathroom, make a phone call, etc.

What conversations would your brick wall tell you about?

A Leopard In Plaid

We have all heard the saying that "a leopard can't change its spots" No matter how hard you try you can't change what makes you who you are. This is especially true in what makes us the mothers that we are. If you are reading this blog; I know you are reading others and we have all found those "mom bloggers" who have it all together, wonderful routines and perfect kids.

First let me say that I believe those to be works of an overactive imagination, good storytelling and the sign of a mother who has nothing together and whose kids are the ones that wipe boogers on the walls, dump over can displays in the store and scream through a whole 30 min trip in the grocery store.

You know...moms like us!

While it is wonderful to aspire to be a better mom and implement some of these wonderful tactics that we read about; we have to remember that the perfect mom only exists among unicorns, leprechauns and laundry detergent that removes all stains the first time.

Just as a leopard can't change its spots into plaid, neither can we change ourselves into being the perfect mom that has it all together. The leopard needs to embrace his spots because it is what makes him a leopard. Well technically his DNA makes him a leopard, but lets not get too technical, ok? Likewise, we need to embrace the kind of mothers that our personalities deem us to be.

Really laid back? So you are probably the mom who lets the dishes pile up, laundry grow into scary heaps and forgets to feed the goldfish. That's OK, you are fine just the way you are. Try to make a schedule to get these things done in a timely manner, but embrace the fact that you don't let the little stuff sweat you. What a great lesson you can teach your kids about learning to schedule things that need to be done, but enjoying the here and now.

Are you scary organized to the point your children shiver when you get out the label gun? You are perfect the way you are too. Try to schedule in some time for fun (you may need to label it as fun) but embrace the fact that you are teaching your children about order and the importance of a well laid out plan.

There are tons more of examples I could go into, but the premise of this post is that there are a ton of different moms out there and each one has something unique to offer to the field of parenting. Don't stress that you are not the perfect mom you are reading about. You are perfectly YOU and you have so much to give to your children just the way you are. Sit down and find your strengths and make a list of them. Next write down beside each strength what lessons you can teach your children through that. Also write down your weaknesses. Find ways that you can improve in those areas that will make you happy. Most importantly, don't do it for anyone but yourself.

Precription Pamphlet for Parenting

Parenting is a powerful mind and mood altering drug that is a time released formula and is not recommended for all adults and should be used with caution.

Active Ingredients: love, patience, faith, hope, tenderness, selflessness, self-control

Reported Side Effects %of those affected
sleeplessness 98%
facial tics 60%
inability to complete a bath 99%
inability to eat a hot meal 99%
strange baby babble speech 75%
minivan purchase 45%
stained clothing 99%
stained carpet 50%
crayon on the wall 80%

abundance of legos and small toys 90%
spontaneous singing of “ABCs” 70%
blind and crippling love 100%

In addition to the relatively common (ie, greater than 1%) untoward events enumerated in the table above, the following events have been reported in association with parenting: standing in the checkout line and slowly swaying back and forth mimicking rocking a baby, making a meal out of left over baby food and cheetos, concentration difficulties, memory impairment, loss of coordination, fatigue, changes in libido, changes in sleeping patterns, bladder weakness, impaired judgment when trying to catch vomit or poop in hands.

For those experiencing multiple doses of parenting it has been reported in laboratory testing that confusion of names is possible, the time to leave the house is tripled; but the amount of love is consistent with single doses of parenting.

This is not a complete list of possible side effects. If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor or pharmacist.

Contact your doctor for medical advice about side effects.

Featuring Your Lessons

Thursday I asked for all of you to share some of the mind shattering wisdom that you have learned since you have had kids. The purpose of this was to be able to educate other mothers on the more delicate matters of parenting. There were so many entries, I am splitting it into many posts. If you have any lessons you want to add...leave them in the comments and I will include yours and link you up!

Here are some of the lessons that you have learned:

Erin's Lessons:

• No matter how new your portable DVD player, it will break within the first thirty minutes of a twelve hour car drive.
• You may think that you have your children engaged in a movie long enough for your husband and you to sneak in a quickie but they have a radar for things like that and within thirty seconds will be screaming outside your bedroom door wanting to know what you are doing.
• When it's quiet in the house you are in big trouble. There is something naughty happening behind one of those closed doors.

Become What You Are's Lessons:

• I have learned (after a grand total of 12 years of breastfeeding) that you do not need to worry when answering the door for the UPS guy in the middle of a feed that he'll see anything. You may, in fact, be exposed, but those guys just don't think to look for breasts down that low!
• I have learned that two "tweenage" boys are too big to do the Super Mario wall jump on a glass paneled door.
• I have learned that dryer lint and dryer sheets go up in flames VERY quickly.
• I have learned that unfrozen popsicle pouches are the preferred food of adventurers "stuck" on Mt Everest and it can sustain them for hours.
• I have learned that if you "rescue" a sick pigeon by bringing it into your room, it WILL freak out and it WILL poop all over your brother's bed.
• I have learned that the second drawer in your dresser is a good alternative to the laundry bin for a wet/poopy diaper when you don't want to go from the third floor to the basement.
• I have learned that a bag of dog poop in a paper bag will burn like the dickens when lit on your neighbor's porch.
• And I have learned that I would take those days back in half a heartbeat and do it all over again!

Bethany's Lessons:

• As a mom I've learned that a computer screen image can be turned sideways and the only one who knows how to fix it is the two-year-old who put it that way to begin with.
• I've learned that daily showers are a luxury.
• I've learned that your own kids' poop doesn't smell as bad as other kids' poop.
• I've learned that just because it doesn't smell as bad doesn't mean it smells good.
• I've learned that blood can come from all kinds of weird places - like tear ducts.
• And I've learned that if your 8 y.o. eats nothing but Fruity Pebbles for breakfast, lunch and dinner, he will have rainbow colored surprises in the toilet the next day.
• And that he will think it's blood. And that he is going to die.

Brandie's Lessons:

• With the 1st child, you freak if the paci hits the ground and you MUST wash it (even if the baby is screaming his head off). With the 2nd, you realize the 5 second rule SO applies and a visual once-over and blowing off obvious dirt is totally acceptable. By the 3rd, you come to your senses and... what's that saying??? God made dirt... and you just stick it right back in their mouth. ;)

Lolidots's Lessons:

• Let's not forget that when hubby tags along for the trip, we are adding another child. One that will sword fight with the pool noodles, push all the buttons on the talking toys, try on all the goofy hats, let the kids do whatever they want and make the trip twice as long and twice as expensive. ;-)

Cascia's Lessons:

• As a mother of four children I have learned so much so it is hard to share just one tip..hmm let me think, the best one that I can think of is this, You can not put your penny back in your piggy bank once swallowed. Oh and here are a couple more things I have learned.
• Babies laugh if they are pulled across the carpet.
• Toothpaste can be used as finger paint and the bathroom mirror makes a wonderful canvas!

Do you have any "lessons learned" you want to share?

Power Over Fear

With young children and sometimes some adults; fear is blinding and crippling. Often times the fear of something is so extreme that explaining what is feared is impossible. In parenting, I believe in giving my daughters the ability to not just confront their fear but to have power over it.

Buzz and Belly are terrified of bugs. Despite it being a bee, ant or butterfly, the fear is there and it is intense. Yesterday we were doing some cleaning and Buzz caught sight of a beetle. While I agree that beetles are one of the more unattractive of the bugs with their shell backs, beady eyes and creepy bug legs; I know that they are harmless. Buzz doesn't agree with the last assessment.

She began screaming hysterically. The Head Crayon thought it was best to just tell her to get over it. The tears and hysterics only increased. While The Head Crayon was correct to tell her to let her fear go because there was nothing to be afraid of; it didn't stop her fear or reaction to fear. Fathers are afflicted with the male syndrome of just stopping the issue at all costs. Mothers have the woman syndrome of analyzing, discussing, obsessing, exposing and discussing some more when faced with an issue.

There are two ways to conquer a fear. Facing it head on with knowledge or having power to control the thing that you fear. Since getting out the encyclopedia and researching insects with Buzz was out of the question, I chose to give her power.

I found an empty spray bottle and without her knowledge filled it with water. I then presented the bottle to her and proclaimed it to be "Bug Spray." Buzz was now armed with a power over what she feared. The screams and tears stopped promptly as she began squirting her bug spray in the general direction of where she saw the beetle. Although the fear remained in a small form, she was able to control it and her reaction to the fear. Instead of being reactive, she was being proactive.

In what ways do you help your child with fear?
What are some ways that you have conquered fear in yourself?

And The Tears Fall

Tonight the tears fell.

I could blame it on hormones (cause yeah...they are seriously whacked! Can you say snot bubbling cry at an ASPCA commercial) but I think it was just because I am a mom.

A mom who was not needed. At all. "I do it myself, thank you very much"

Buzz wanted a peanut butter sandwich and she wanted to do it by herself. Seriously, the child who will not sleep in her room because of the psychotic bunny who lives under her bed that is dead set on nibbling her toes, wanted to do this all by herself.

She pulled a chair up to the counter to retrieve all needed items.

I fretted she would fall off the chair.

She unscrewed the jar lid and pulled out two pieces of bread.

I figured she would forget what items she would need.

She picked out a knife to spread the peanut butter.

I put back the steak knife after a mild stroke and handed her the plastic spreader.

After 20 painstaking minutes, she was done spreading the sandwich and getting it reassembled.

I hovered (lip quivering) waiting to be asked to do something.

She never asked. Not once.

The tears fell.

It is amazing to me how fast they go from needing your every minute, to all of a sudden..."I do it myself" It is both heart breaking and a moment of pride when you realize that time is now. They can spread their own peanut butter, put on their own seat belt, tie their shoes and use the potty (with privacy PLEASE)

Of course she still can't sleep in her own bed. God bless the rabbit who keeps her needing me just a little bit longer.

The Ten Demandments

The Ten Demandments
...of a 4 year old...

I. Thou shalt not conceive any children other than me. (Any other children means I will have to share my precious purple horse and my blue ball which is totally unacceptable.)
II. Thou shalt never expect me to eat anything that is not portable. (Any other foods such as casseroles, will be considered direct violation of this Demandment and will go nicely with the wall paint you chose.)
III. Thou shalt never take me into any type of store without the intention of buying me what I want. (Ever seen a child rolling and screaming down an aisle, just wait...you will.)
IV. Thou shalt never put yourself before my needs. (You haven't had a bath in a week or eaten anything besides cold mashed potatoes...simply not my problem)
V. Thou shalt never summarize my favorite bedtime story. (I don't care if we all know that the fluffy bunny found his way home through the dark woods, I need to be reassured it ends the same way.)
VI. Thou shalt never turn off a cartoon that I may be watching. (I don't care if I am in the next room and have been for 2 hours; I like to keep my options open.)
VII. Thou shalt never be out of my sight for more than 45 seconds. (I don't care if you do need to go to the bathroom, if I can crouch behind the couch for privacy; so can you. Don't ever shut the bathroom door again or I will use the Sharpie one more time on the furniture.)
VIII. Thou shalt never take me into a stranger's house and expect me to not touch the delicate glass poodle figurines. (Really?!? You are asking way too much. Just bring a blank check and a DustBuster. We'll all be better off.)
IX. Thou shalt never expect me to perform any feat or trick in front of anyone but you. (Trust me, I will make you look like a lying fool)
X. Thou shalt, above all else, love me as I love you (With blind trust, forgiveness of your failings...except for that whole soup was too hot incident; you are going to live with that one...unfailing and perfect)

Painting A Thousand Words

Do you remember when I was talking about a certain sassy somebody? Well, it a picture can paint a thousand words, the one above is a book thicker than “Queen of Crime” (Which if you are interested broke the World Record for the thickest book with a whoppin' 4032 pages. I know some doctor waiting rooms I could have finished that in with no problem while waiting.)

Back to the picture. (Side tracking is my specialty)

My sister brought them a bunch of dress up clothes yesterday when she came to help me paint. Since that moment, I have a had a fairy/bride/princess who wields her scepter with as much skill as she wields her tongue.

Did I mention she is S.A.S.S.Y?

I really don't know where she got it from. (Mom, you are not allowed to make a comment here that may be considered defamation of character)

Anyways, I just had to share that picture with you, so you have a good picture of what I am dealing with here.

Cake Zombies

My children are very much like the zombies portrayed in older movies; minus the gore of course. Not the new zombies that are fast, agile and cunning; but the ones that stumble around slowly, beat on doors/windows in slow motion, hold their arms out in front of them and moan about "brrraaaaiinnss" non-stop.

It seems that all day they follow me around chanting "juice, cookie, gummy, etc." like little zombies. Yesterday was MIL's birthday and I begged The Man to watch them so that I could run to the store alone to pick up the cake, but he could not do it for some reason. (Reason still unknown and unconfirmed) So I loaded up the zombies and headed to the store. As soon as they saw the white bakery box, the chanting started.

"caaaaakkkeeee caaaaakkkeee"

This continued for the next 2 hours until we made it to MIL's house and handed her the cake. At first, she did not want to cut the cake because she wasn't hungry and something about being almost 80 years old make you lose your childish joy of birthday cakes. Soon the chants became too loud and I cut the thing just to stop the noise.

Zombies appeased. For now.

In other news...

The days of Buzz swiping what she wants from Belly are over. I kept warning her that the day was coming that her little sister was going to start fighting back. Retribution Day is here. Belly has finally figured out that not only does she outweigh her big sister by a good 10 lbs, but that big sister is really a wus when it comes to confrontation. After much hair pulling, pummeling, screeching and some pinching, domianance is established. The "dominant one"? Me, with the sprayer from the sink; hosing them down like dogs. (Never get in the middle of a fight when biting is involved!) There is a new respect between sisters now and I doubt Buzz is going to tangle too much with her WWF little sister.

We have a busy weekend in front of us and Monday can't come soon enough.
Toodles for now.