Firing Squad Momma

For about 3 weeks now we have been battling some sort of dark evil. At first I thought it must be a cold, but the way this entity lurks and resurfaces; it must be pure evil. I have learned that evil is immune to Lysol. After spending the night imagining that I was on the beach lying among a herd of seals barking, I loaded up The Scribblers and took them on into the doctor.

To the lady in the waiting room that was obsessively rubbing large amounts of hand sanitizer on her poor toddler's hands..."THAT WILL DO YOU NO GOOD IF HE CONTINUES TO LICK THE FISH AQUARIUM THAT 15 KIDS HAVE SNEEZED ON IN THE PAST 5 MINUTES!"....Just sayin'

After the annoying and ineffective game of "let me shine the light in your ear and look for an elephant" in equally annoying and ineffective baby talk (cringe) I finally convinced the nurse that my kids are way smarter than believing she is going on African safari in their heads and just get it done already. By the end of the exam it was discovered that bronchitis, strep throat and croup are our newest residents.

The doctor came in a merrily announced that she was writing three Rx for antibiotics and steroids. Visions of holding down The Scribbler for 7 full days or until all medicine had been spilled in the floor filled my head and I asked the wisest question a mom can ask..."Doesn't that come in a one time shot"

Horror filled The Scribblers eyes as they heard their mother just order in the firing squad. Oh yes...I went there.

Nurses filed in ready to hold The Scribblers down to receive their shots. Yes, I said nurses, as in plural. My kids have a past record of being fighters, biters and brawlers when it comes to medicine of any kind. Within 5 minutes shots had been dispensed and the howls of The Scribblers filled the clinic terrifying every child in the waiting room including the little aquarium licker. To try and silence the shrieks the nurses promised suckers as soon as we left and then they ran from the room.

Once pants were pulled up and kisses delivered, we went towards "Checkout" to collect on the sucker promise. As I stared at the empty basket I could have punched those nurses. There were no suckers. How on earth does a pediatrician office plan to run on no suckers? Maybe that's why that little kid was licking the aquarium glass. Sucker withdrawal.

Now we are home and hopefully on the mend. I really can't spend another night on the beach with barking seals. The kids are pretty peeved at me for ordering the firing squad, but one day they will be wrestling their own child trying to get down the thick pink liquid and spilling half the dose...they'll understand.