Thursday, February 10, 2011

I almost quit

First thing...see that new button over there to the right? The one that is about your child talking? I am thrilled to announce a website/blog/resource by a wonderful woman all about speech and your child!

Secondly, I am in a funk. DEEEEEEEEEP funk. It's probably the weather, the being stuck in the house, the being stuck in the house with kids, the being stuck in the house with little kids with BIG attitudes. A couple of nights ago I was sitting in front of this screen waiting for bloggy inspiration.

Waiting. Waiting. Nothing.

I was signed into Tweetdeck watching fascinating conversations going on and had nothing to contribute.

Waiting. Waiting. Nothing.

I made a decision. I slammed the screen of the laptop down and screamed at the ceiling. "I QUIT! I quit this stupid blog. I quit stupid Twitter. I quit, I quit, I quit." I may or may not have even stomped my feet like a 2 year old and then consumed a bag of peanut M&Ms.

The whole next day I grumbled about the stupid blog. I turned off Twitter. Why should I blog? Who is really reading? What does it matter if I do or I don't? I'll never be the writer that so-and-so is with their 100 comments per post. I'll never get the super great job that so-and-so did with her writing even though I've been doing it so much longer. I. Am. Unimportant.

My voice was silenced.

Then my family came over for a while. I had recently written the post "We Not The Same" about my oldest daughter and some of the struggles that she had faced. It was a hard post to write but it was one that I was proud of. My brother-in-law came to me and hugged me for that post. Told me about how it made him cry because it reminded him of his brother that passed away last year that had the same struggles. It touched him. His words have stayed with me these past few days. His words are what prompted me to not delete the blog forever but start writing again.

This blogging thing is not as easy as you think. There are so many days where you feel like your voice isn't heard, your point not made and your passion is not understood. When I sit down to write, I do it to touch someone, to make them laugh, to have them reconsider a point in their life or to just not feel so alone. I got so caught up in the lack of comments that I didn't realize that I had done what I sat down to do. I touched one person. His hug, his words...that's why I write.

If you are a blogger, a reader or a lurker. Take the time today to find that one blogger whose words have stuck with you, a story that still makes you laugh or a time that their words helped you through a difficult time and TELL THEM. Let them know that their voice matters.

I won't quit again...I won't silence my voice.

32 comments:

A Mom After God's Own Heart said...

I have been feeling in a similar funk the last couple days, as I have lost 6 followers in one day....weird! But know that I love your blog and have really enjoyed getting to know you through your blog:) Be blessed today and keep writing!

singedwingangel said...

I have been in that same place so many times myself. I am glad you are not quitting.. you are so talented and have such a way with words and your pictures are breathtaking.

This Daddy said...

You know as funny and friendly as you are, you shouldnt let the fact that you are in a funk bring you down, I know that sound stupid coming from Mr Negativity here but Tracy always tells me the blog is about me, her, the kids. So that for you means you and the husband and the kids. Just write anything that makes you feel anything. And if that doesnt work then write about my crazy ass. Have a good day and go buy a new chair, that will make you feel better

Hazel Nut said...

I have a list of people I write for, it goes like this.

1. Me. For therapy, it helps me to get through my day, my troubles, get my thoughts organized. I do it for ME.

2. My long distance friend and family who want to know how my family and I are doing.

3. For anyone who has ever woken up one day to discover they are a Heart Family. I do it for them, because they are not alone, no matter how hopeless everything feels.

4. For mom's with postpartum depression. Again...PPD is common and I do it so they are not left feeling helpless and alone with their struggles.

5. After that, anyone else who wants to stop by and check out The Nut House, I welcome them to my chaos.

I have blog hops every week that many times no one joins. I pour my heart out and get no comments. I share what I feel is the funniest thing ever, and hear nothing but crickets.

But I do it. And do my best to do it every single day. Because I want to. Because at the end of the day, I did something for me.

I love you mama! Forget about comments & page views & wondering if anyone is listening. Write like no one is reading, type like no one is listening, and eat chocolate like your pants are always forgiving.

Not Just Another Jennifer said...

It's funny because I think we all feel that way sometimes, and this week you and Bronx 2 Boulder http://bronxtoboulder.blogspot.com both had similar posts. Good for you for hanging in there!

katherine @ Postpartum Progress said...

Your voice DOES matter. (And just so you know, many of us have these same thoughts all the time. I know I do!?
- Katherine

theworkinghousewife said...

I'm glad you didn't quit.. I recently discovered your blog, and I love reading it.. You are a great writer...
I write for me, but it still makes me sad the days where I get no comments, no love.. But, it's my therapy.. And even if no one reads it, spilling the words out makes me feel better.

Shell said...

I'm so glad you didn't quit. You have such an amazing voice. I get you and feel like you get me.

There are times when I get frustrated, too. I throw off a joke-y type post and people read. I write something important to me and where did everyone go?

But, blogging is my outlet, so I'll keep doing it anyway. And I hope you do, too.

Lynn MacDonald said...

Well, first of all...I'm thrilled you ate peanut M&Ms as that's my goto food for self pity. Second, I think we all feel like that and look around and say, why is that other person getting more readers. Third, when you have little kids, life can often be overwhelming. Truly, I can't fathom how you girls have time to write. Fourth, just know your own self worth...don't depend on others for it and Fifth, and probably most importantly...I like you...so yep, there's that.

Be you...that's all that matters.

Gigi said...

Shell was right! Very similar posts. But you're right...if one person takes something from what you write, why is that validation enough?

I don't know the answer to that. Yet.

I may still quit though, because I'm neurotic. :)

tsonodablog said...

Well I found that blogger and I'm telling you that your post means something to me, and I'm sure, many others. The part where you said, "This blogging thing is not as easy as you think. There are so many days where you feel like your voice isn't heard, your point not made and your passion is not understood. " is so true!
I love reading others' blogs, and truly get inspiration from many of them. So please don't stop blogging!

WhisperingWriter said...

I hate when I get that funk. Blogging can get frustrating at times, that's for sure.

Totally Ovar It said...

Thank you for writing this post. I am a wuss... I have been blogging for a little over ONE whole month and I have said I QUIT about a dozen times. Because I'm a crappy writer, because 0.1% of the population gives a crap about the topic I ablog about. But I need to do it. So thank you for this remember to keep going. Take care.

julie gardner said...

First time visiting, so I'm going to leave my email since you asked your commenters to (not because I'm creepy).

I related to this post. The frustration. The jealousy. I feel foolish getting so worked up over it. My husband shakes his head. "Why are you so stressed? Isn't this supposed to be fun?"

Ha. Fun. Yes. But also relevant. And meaningful. And moving. And. And. And.

Then, what it ends up being? Harder than everyone thinks. Everyone who ISN'T a blogger, that is.

So thanks for your post. And thanks for your voice. You are not alone.

juliecgardner@verizon.net.

And I'd LOVE a "cheese of the month club" membership, personally.
But that's just me.

MX3 said...

I've read every post you've written since I started following, and I've never once been disappointed. In fact, I always love reading what you have to say and pondering the questions you leave me to ask myself. It would be a sad day in the bloggy world if the Crayon Wrangler wasn't around anymore to brighten it up!

The Empress said...

Hi, hon.

THe thing that gets to me about blogging is how my IRL friends can't relate.

I want to know someone in real life, who knows who I'm talking about when I say, did you hear what Dooce said today about her kid? Stuff like that.

I don't like having a double life, and that's what it feels like.

I truly hope your funk passes.

The Empress said...

P.S> you can't quit b/c your avatar is the cutest thing on twitter.

I promise I'll hit on you next time.

Lucy and Ethel said...

Been there, done that... on a fairly regular basis :)

'Ethel' and I gave up on getting comments long ago, as we know we DO have readers. We had some serious 'follower' problems moving from Blogger to WordPress, so many of those have no clue we're still around. When life calms down (HA HA HA HA HA), we'll contact the old Suitemates and let them know the door is still open....

I'm with the others - don't quit!

'Lucy'

CM said...

Don't you dare quit! I'll come down there and kick your you know what! ;-)

I loved that post your wrote. It was absolutely beautiful and touching.

My advice:

1. Don't put so much pressure on yourself!
2. Where's your journal? I know you have one from your one post. Keep jotting down notes, ideas, inspiration so you don't get stuck.
3. You don't have to have a perfect post every time. Just be yourself!

Tiffany said...

I think we all go through the "blog funk" once in awhile. It's tough when we write stories and posts and then think no one is listening. I decided that it doesn't matter if I get 1 comment or 100 comments on one post. I'm writing for me and it feels good. You have to get back to the reason you started and stick with it.

Jane of Australia said...

whoa Wrangler wrangler - I so relate yes from all the way down here.
I met a new friend the other day and we poured out to each other how we get no comments, no answers on twitter, we dont win writng comp etc. haahha
Now but are in winter and I am in summer (so called) so I am thinking the funk is across all the lands. Which is fine I guess, because we have MM nuts here too...and how GREAT youhad them in the house.
OOO reach one person touch one heart.
Hey look there are the journals you sent me. whoo hooo.
almost full now. I used one for Health info and issues
and theother for Life: living it.
How great you can be so honest because LOOK we all relate!!!!!!
Ok Mother Nature bring on the big thaw....people ned out of the cabins.
Aussie Hugs.

Amy @ mommetime said...

OHMYGOSH...I would never have guessed that you feel this way...I think you have such an awesome writing style! I've been feeling this way for awhile now ~ thank you for putting it into words! I needed to read this (it serves as a pep-talk for me). @ Hazel Nut...awesome advice ~ I think I will borrow it! btw you rock, too!

Joey Fortman said...

NO WAY JOSE!! You can't quit! I just found you!!! =) But seriously-I TOTALLY understand. It's soooo stressful. Ugh. I'm with you on the DESIRE for flip flops & medical detector weather!!!!

Soon........ Soon! =)

Courtney said...

Weird, isn't it?! How you can have so many "followers" yet a fraction of the comments. I've often wondered how certain bloggers actually get all 400 and something followers to comment to every single post and why I can't get more than 10 comments or so even though I have over 200 followers. Weird. And you get so caught up in the numbers. If you lose a follower you're freaking out, wondering what you did or didn't do to lose that one person. And that's not why we blog in the first place. At least not for you, not for me. But it happens over and over and I have to take a step back and remind myself to not get caught up in the numbers. Glad you're sticking around. ;)

Courtney said...

Just another little note to add that I wish I hadn't forgotten in my previous comment. Who says we have to post every day? If we don't feel inspired, don't post! Who cares if we lose that follower? Again, with the numbers... I've put so much pressure on myself in the past to post something every single day that it feels like a job and becomes unenjoyable. It shouldn't feel that way at all. If it's not enjoyable, don't do it. A little break every once in a while isn't such a bad thing.

Mrs. Q said...

You rock. I met you in person. I know it. So there.

Blogging is hard and it is work. It's ok to take time off. We'll be waiting. Everyone needs a vacation (I'm going to take a bloggy break soon myself)!!

Sara (from Saving for Someday) said...

Hello. Hello? Is this thing on? I can see you in there. Don't hide from me! Come back! No, not in your robe. OK, in your robe is fine. We're friends!

You write, I read. I sometimes comment. Not as often as I should. But that doesn't mean I won't sing the theme to the Love Boat with you whenever you want. Or point to the sky and yell 'De Plane, De Plane'.

C-Dub, you're the awesome. You should write just for that reason. And when you don't feel like you're the awesome you should write too. Why? Because it's real and if someone says it then we'll come out of the woodwork to say 'hey, me too!' because we're all too lame to write it ourselves or say it as well as you probably will and include a beautiful photo because you want to balance it all.

But, if you want to give up the blog. May I suggest you try writing in Chinese or Japanese or some other language first and see if they'll come visit because with 200+ million people out there who don't read English you're missing out on a bigger audience. And while I don't read any of those languages, I'd give it a shot if you decided to change up your blog for a more world-wide market.

Maybe you could be Le Wrangleur de Crayone or Une Vaquera de los Colores? That's kinda spicy!

Whatever you choose, just know, C-Dub that I big puffy, sparkly heart with a unicorn jumping over a double rainbow you!

Seal'd In Ink said...

You are my favorite! I'm so glad you didn't quit!! Don't be so darn hard on yourself! If you're not inspired, skip a day or a few-we'll still be here when you get back. Just. Come. Back. :)

K Pugliano said...

Uhm. You can't quit. Simply can't.

I think these feelings run deep in all of us bloggers...I get caught up in the "Is anyone reading this?"..no comments means no readers, but then something unexpected happens.

IRL-folks come up to me and comment on posts that they have read, or tell me the recipe they got from my blog was fabulous...that they have made it twice...

You never know who you are going to touch with your words...

That's why you cannot quit.
Because, I may not comment on each post, but you always touch me with your words.

XOXO

Missy@Wonder, Friend said...

Oh, I hear you. I mean: One, I HEAR you. Your words, your voice. And I would be devastated if you quit, so I'm glad - really glad - that you did not.

And two, I hear you as in, I relate. I get it. I've walked away a couple times - a day here, a week there. Sometimes it's just necessary.

As long as you come back, that is.

I'm so thankful for your voice!

Erin said...

No No No! Not allowed. I lost my RSS feed for what ever reason and came back specifically to find you so now I get an email every day with all your crayon wrangling wisdom.

Really and truly though I don't comment enough but when days are hard with Colby I can always find something in one of your posts to make me smile. I know how hard the funk can be and even when you aren't feeling important just know that you've carried me through many hard days.

Jessica said...

Well I guess I am just going to keep going down your list of posts and comment on everyone because your writing is keeping me here. I so value your honest in the post, I feel this so often and always think I am the only one. Thank you. Thank. You.

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