Losing My Mind - Geriatric Style - Alzheimers

*First a little reminder that my giveaway ends this week. Click on the crayon box titled "Giveaway" and check it out!


Sorry about that, I had to give you a reminder because around here, it seems as though nobody can remember anything. I know it comes with the territory of being elderly or "Gray" but sometimes I wonder if my own mind is going to remain intact. I am beginning to feel like I need to write down everything I say and pin it to everyone's shirt. After I have been asked for the 50th time what dinner is, you can unhook your note and read it for yourself. That would save us a lot of conversation.

Me "We are having spaghetti for dinner"
Gray (waits 5 minutes) "What are you cooking for dinner"
Me "Spaghetti"
Gray (waits 5 minutes) "The doctor said garlic and pasta are not good for me to eat" (The doctor did NOT say this)
Me (puts sauce on to cook)
Gray "That smells good, what are you cooking"
Me "Spaghetti"
Gray (waits 10 minutes) "You know what would be good to eat tonight? Spaghetti"
Me (considers the size of the pot and if it is possible to drown one's self in spaghetti sauce)
Gray (plate of spaghetti is place on the table) I didn't know we were having spaghetti...did you make garlic bread?
Me "I thought the doctor said you couldn't have garlic?"
Gray "I never said that! Garlic is wonderful for you!"

It's not just spaghetti though, it's everything that is said either by us, the kids, The Weather Channel, the doctor, etc. Like I said, I know part of it is just the territory of being a "Gray" and I do truly feel sorry for the elderly as they begin to lose their short term memory, especially when Alzheimer's begins to set it. It must be horrible when you are dealing with not being able to remember things from one minute to the next...but then again, can you remember that you can't remember what you were supposed to remember? Perhaps its a blissful state of mind where everything is fresh and new? I do know why we are always running out of toilet paper now...I mean, if you can't remember what you did 2 minutes ago.

The biggest frustration is with the BIG decisions, the things that really matter. Medical choices, financial choices and lifestyle choices. At what point do you decide that an elderly parent is no longer capable of making the best decision? How do you determine that they even understand their own choice? For instance when it is concerning the living arrangements of The Grays with us the choices change from not only day to day, but sometimes minute to minute. I feel a lot of the wishy-washy behavior of an elderly parent is due to insecurity and not wanting to be dependent on someone else. It's so frustrating as the ones who are having to consider long term to feel like we are forcing a lifestyle choice on someone who may or may not be ready. It makes you question yourself while you are questioning the elderly parent. "Do you really understand what is going on?" "Do you understand the long term implications?" "Do you  know what I said 5 minutes ago?"

For those of you out there who have dealt with this...what helped you with making decisions as a caretaker with your elderly parent? What happened that made you realize without a doubt that you needed to takeover all major decisions?

Taking Care Of Elderly Parents - Life With The Grays

As the cost of living and health care costs continue to rise, there are a growing number of the elderly finding themselves facing giving up their independence and becoming dependent on either government assisted living or living with younger family member.

Which bring us to adding a couple of Grays to our coloring box. While I don't pretend to know all the secrets of making it work or know all the answers; I know what it feels like for us.

It's tough no matter how you try to slice it. Tough for both parties.

While I am constantly told that I don't truly no how it feels, I hear The Grays talk about a lack of independence, feeling like a burden and a consuming feel of uncertainty. Uncertain about their own place in life and what that life is going to look like in 1 year, 5 years, etc. One thing they know for certain is that life, from this point on, is not going to get any better. The years have robbed them of even being an adult anymore. Once more, as a child, they must submit their freedoms to someone else. They have to be driven to where they want to go, have help with any financial, medical or personal decisions and become totally dependent on the whims of someone else. They have to hope that the person has their best interest at heart and surrender everything that they knew. They have to worry about when they become totally helpless...is anyone going to really care for them? Will they make sure they are fed? Have their medicines? Have access to medical treatments that are necessary? Are their finances going to be safe? Will someone bathe them?

As the caretaker, its just as hard. From my own experience, it is though we have added two more children to my family. While they are not at the point of total helplessness yet, I know that one day we will be there. When making the choice to become a caretaker, it is not something you jump into. While you want more than anything to be able to provide for your parents, as they provided for you; sometimes it can break a family. All parties have to be on board for the venture and everyone must know what is going to be expected of them. This includes not only the elderly parents and their child, but the spouse, children and other family members.

Since I am a stay at home mom with my own children, the bulk of the daily care falls on me. This not only includes the making of meals, shuttling to the doctor, etc. but also the daily, sometimes hourly, assurances that The Grays are wanted and are not a burden. Thankfully, The Head Crayon is the financial guru of our family and helps them deal with all of those pesky matters. The stress falls on him as well. He has to think far into the future about the cost of them living with us, medical expenses that in the future may not be covered under their insurance, etc.

Let me be real honest with you, when I imagined my life as The Crayon Wrangler, this is not what I had envisioned, but it is something that I signed up for. When we shared our wedding vows, we shared our families and our obligations. What I am doing for his parents, he would do for mine and any other family members that might need our help. It is the obligation of family. On days when I am not frustrated, I would tell you the honest truth that it is indeed a privilege to have The Grays depend on us. To know that they feel safe counting on us, speaks volumes of their love for us and their trust in us.

One of the biggest things that we are struggling with right now is boundaries and understanding. As we are moving from partial care to full time care, we are all learning what is "fair" to expect out of each other. It's a lesson in trial and error. We have a good days and we have our bad, but one thing we have decided is we will make it work. We will honor that trust that they put in us and show through our actions our love we have for them.

Do you have a elderly parent living with you? Are you dealing with Alzheimer's in a loved one? Is this something that your family is about to face? I would love to hear from you!