Sunday, July 25, 2010

Precription Pamphlet for Parenting

Parenting is a powerful mind and mood altering drug that is a time released formula and is not recommended for all adults and should be used with caution.

Active Ingredients: love, patience, faith, hope, tenderness, selflessness, self-control


Reported Side Effects %of those affected
sleeplessness 98%
facial tics 60%
inability to complete a bath 99%
inability to eat a hot meal 99%
strange baby babble speech 75%
minivan purchase 45%
stained clothing 99%
stained carpet 50%
crayon on the wall 80%
abundance of legos and small toys 90%
spontaneous singing of “ABCs” 70%
blind and crippling love 100%




In addition to the relatively common (ie, greater than 1%) untoward events enumerated in the table above, the following events have been reported in association with parenting: standing in the checkout line and slowly swaying back and forth mimicking rocking a baby, making a meal out of left over baby food and cheetos, concentration difficulties, memory impairment, loss of coordination, fatigue, changes in libido, changes in sleeping patterns, bladder weakness, impaired judgment when trying to catch vomit or poop in hands.

For those experiencing multiple doses of parenting it has been reported in laboratory testing that confusion of names is possible, the time to leave the house is tripled; but the amount of love is consistent with single doses of parenting.

This is not a complete list of possible side effects. If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor or pharmacist.

Contact your doctor for medical advice about side effects.

7 comments:

Dee said...

All of it... TRUE! :)

Take care!
Dee

singedwingangel said...

bwhahaha exactly where I am AND let's add ignorant self centered sisters to the mix, a generous helping of testosterone in my house and a flaring of estrogen at this time and you have a volatile combination..

Mama M. said...

LOVE it!! Love, love LOVE it!!

That, made me smile. And now, I am going to bed happy.

Thanks!

Seal'd In Ink said...

Oh my goodness! You totally cracked me up! So glad I came across your blog! I'll be back!

Bethany @ Organic Enchilada said...

You are such a smart cookie! I do sometimes catch myself doing the sway - even without a baby in my arms, and it sort of embarrasses me, but it's just so darn soothing!

Jamie H said...

Ok, this is just way too funny but way too true! You are so creative!

ErinK said...

Oh I love this... and it is very accurate!

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