Smartphone for Dummies 101

I have very slowly been working my way up into technology. Let's face it...the clock still blink on my VCR, so it has been very slow. I finally decided upon getting a "smart" phone and getting rid of my old technology.

I stood in the Verizon store and tried to make up my mind between all the smartphones and suddenly felt not so smart at all. The brand new Droid was sitting there but I think he had a little a speech problem of some kind because he just kept sitting there saying "Droid..Droid...Droid...." over and over. Yes...I am calling it a "he" because "he" was talking and not making much sense.

I ended up settling for his little brother who didn't have anything to say. MotoBlur - Droid phone. I loved the heavier feel to the phone and the slide seemed sturdy enough. The sales rep who was "all knowing" (grrrrr...talk down to me please. No seriously. Talk down to me and use small words so I understand) showed me a quick tutorial of how to use the Twitter app, Facebook app and even set up my email. I skipped out of the store merrily, swinging my little bag and then the unthinkable happened...

the phone rang.

I looked at it and realized I had no idea how to answer the call. The ringing kept going, taunting me. Somehow in my frenzy of button pushing I managed to unlock the phone which allowed me a pretty green button that said "Answer" It was my sister.

I finished the phone call and even was smart enough to hit the pretty red button that said "End" Oh yeah (insert the Snoopy dance now) I am owning this smartphone.

I made it home and started fiddling with the phone and in no time at all, 4 hours had passed and all I had done was download an "Austin Powers Theme Song" ringtone, a flashlight app and something that produced 15 different air horn sounds. Wanting to make the most of my smartphone I went back to my Verizon baggie and looked for the owners manual. I pulled out a "Hints, Tips & Tricks" booklet that was about the size of my drivers license and only 18 pages thick. This is simply not enough pages for the "Hints, Tips & Tricks" that I need. I need something that more resembles a New York City phonebook or a copy of "War & Peace" with the extra large type. Something heavy, substantial and with a lot of pictures to walk me through this whole "smartphone" business.

I need a "Smartphone For Dummies" and a good tutor. Someone to show me how to put those cute little speech bubble widgets on there. Someone to teach me exactly how fast or slow to slide my finger across the screen so that I don't get motion sickness watching the screens blur by.

I was up until 2am trying to figure out the phone. (Don't laugh...you've been there!) I watched YouTube videos, searched forums and tried out the air horns on my sleeping husband (Don't try that at home or you will need the End Spousal Fight App) and I am still no where near understanding the capabilities of this smartphone. If you happen to have one of these phone, help a sistah' out. Shoot me a comment or email letting me know what "Hints, Tips & Tricks" you learned.

Until then...I am downloading a "Dog Whistle App" to try out on the dog.