30 Days Of Truth - Day 3

Before I get started on Day 3, there are some announcements to make.

1st: The Daily Break Community is having a live chat tonight at 8pm EST. You can join in HERE where we will be discussing communities: how they influence us and connect us. 

2nd:  A sweet young woman has started a blog to journal her life outside of high school and going to college. I met her through being her photographer on her senior class portraits. We connected right away and I just know you are going to love this sassy, strong young lady. You can visit her blog HERE.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for. 

Forgiving yourself. I do believe that "YOU" is the hardest person to forgive, but something that I have made a practice of doing. 

About 13ish years ago, I was holding every grudge against myself that I could. I detested myself because of my failures, my choices, etc. I would not forgive myself because I felt like I deserved the grudge. I convinced myself that the self-loathing was good because I had entitled myself to the bitter feelings because of my actions. I wallowed in self imposed pity and beat myself back down every time that something good came my way. I didn't deserve the good stuff. I was convinced.

The came the day that the pity pit was so deep, I cracked. The loathing and hatred I had for myself made me feel like not only did I not deserve the "good stuff", but that I didn't really deserve life. Life was good and who I thought I was did not merit one ounce of that. Lucky for me there was a person back then who was willing to pull the dead shell of who I was out of the pit and work with me on forgiving myself. He convinced me that I was worth something and I deserved the best life had to offer. He showed me that through love. Loving the unlovable was the greatest act of forgiveness that I could fathom and some small part of me reached for it and clung to it like a life preserver.

Since those days, I have learned to forgive myself for every infraction I inflict. When I really mess up, I know that I am not unlovable or undeserving. I have made some whoppers of mistakes, but it doesn't have to be who I am. My mistakes don't define me, they educate me. They teach me to try harder, do better and consider someone else I may have affected. I actively forgive myself because I love myself and I know that I deserve every good ounce that life has to offer.