Thursday, March 17, 2011

Detoured

Red Writing Hood - Detour
This week's prompt asked you to write a piece - fiction or non-fiction - in which you or your character take a detour.


There would be screaming, panic, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Total pandemonium. Only I held the power to calm the masses.


“Where is that stupid flashlight?”


Wide eyes; three pair of them; followed my every move. Tension hung in the air much thicker than the electricity coming from the approaching storm.


“Ahh...here is it!”


I held the sacred light above my head and clicked the button to show my children that Mommy was every bit of “The Light Goddess That Chases Away Storm Fear” that they had built me up to be.

Nothing. Not even a promising flicker of a bad connection.


“Probably needs batteries. Oh well, come on Lady Troop. Let’s go get the batteries out of my closet”


“Momma, can I have some juice first?”


I laid the flashlight down and grabbed the waving sippy cup from the dancing three year old. Filled with juice and released back the clogging and pirouetting Princess, two more sets of empty cups were shoved towards me before I could even blink. Reaching back into the fridge, I realized the carton was empty. I rushed to the pantry to grab another juice, before chaos could set in. Immediately I was anointed the “Goddess of the Liquid Orchard” by “The Sippy Cup Mafia” as I filled up the rest of the cups.


Heading to the closet I snapped a misplaced Lego in half between my toes and became known as “The One That Uses Daddy Words”. I began to pick up the Mattel and Tyco landmines and realized that one was stuck firmly to the wood floor by “I-probably-don’t-want-to-know” stuff. I ran back to the pantry and grabbed the mop. This delighted “Those Who Like To Ice Skate In Socked Feet.”


“Momma, the baby’s butt stanks.”


Childish giggling followed me in another trip to the pantry, this time for diapers. When I returned I found a hunkered baby with a mischievous “guess what I did” smile waiting for me.


“Whoa girl!!! That is some serious stank”


More giggling could be heard behind me as I deftly changed the baby’s diaper in my usual 4.3 seconds flat, a skill I have developed from changing diapers for the past five years. From a seated position a good nine foot away, I banked the diaper off the lid and with a winning 3 pointer in the can. Just another talent I’ve achieved in the past five years. Applause and cheers flooded my ears as the children celebrated another victory.
 

“Alright my little minions...to the closet. CHARGE!!”


Like a mother duck followed by her waddling ducklings, my sippy cup sucking troop made their way with me to my room.  “The Closet” was a magical place that transformed them into little mothers or “Ladies Of The Tu-Tu And Tea Society”, but strictly forbidden by “She Who Has Cool Purses And Shoes”. The siren call of fancy sandals and sequined clutches forced them to venture into “The Closet” at least 4 times a day; the penalty of entry worth the cost of accessorising in the name of fashion.


I reached out to flick the switch.  


The bulb blew, plunging us into darkness.


“Dangit...we are going to need a flashlight!”


I sprinted to the kitchen. Hurdling and skipping over the mess that never got cleaned up, I slipped on the wet floor and executed a perfect swan move reserved for only the most professional “Socked Feet Skaters”. I chastised myself for somehow getting detoured and creating such a hazardous condition for myself. I snatched the flashlight from the counter and clicked the switch.  


Nothing.


“Where are those stupid batteries?”

**Many thanks this week to my fab writing partners who helped me maneuver through this piece. Thanks for all you did!!!

26 comments:

Elaine A. said...

Love all the fun titles in this. and "...some serious stank"! I've said that a few times myself... ha ha ha!

danceswithchaos said...

Nope.. Don't related much at all. Not at all..

I'm not even sure where my batteries are hiding anymore.

I think I'll have to link it to my Mommy ADD post... :-)

Lizz said...

Holy schmoly, I love this! I can totally picture you wandering around the house, getting pulled into a million different directions all at once!
Loved how you brought it full circle to the flashlight again, oh Light Goddess That Chases Away Storm Fear
@libismorgan

Galit Breen said...

Oh, honey- just another night as a super mama!

i love the beautiful language that you utilized to describe the everyday.

That's the beauty of *you!*

DaisyGal said...

Once again I sit in awe of the way you use words to make me giggle, think, empathize. It was wonderful and entertaining! Lol

Jessica said...

Pat, pat, pat... now that that is out of the way...

This piece is beautiful in the way you shared the beauty of the mudane and made it all glamourous with your words.

My favorite line "A magical place that transformed then into little mothers..."

You illustrated the perfection in the imperfection that is motherhood so well and showed us what a beautiful life your girls have.

Mel said...

Great job wrapping motherhood in a nutshell! Nothing but detours!

Leighann said...

This is brilliant!!
Every line had me laughing.

Dafeenah said...

Very cute. Kids can be some of the greatest detours.

Stopping by from TRDC

Kris Mulkey said...

I loved this piece. "Sippy Cup Mafia" is such a perfect description. It sounds like your life is one big detour!

Crystal said...

Applause!!! That was terrific...every mother's juggling act...perfectly placed into words. And your titles are perfection!! I loved it...I was smiling the entire time!! Stopping from RDC.

tracy said...

Oh, hon, so brilliant! LOVE it all. all!!!

Heather H said...

Very funny...and a great show of all the detours we take during the day. Love the sippy cup mafia!

Pamela Gold said...

You never fail to amaze me. You have those kids oogling at you with "How did she see me do that". Moms have superpowers and this piece reflects that.

Ilana @ mommyshorts said...

I love the supermom angle of this piece. So much fun!

Jack said...

The Light Goddess That Chases Away Storm Fear

An admirable title. BTW, LEGO pieces between the toes or any other soft spot are a great excuse for salty language. Those suckers hurt.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

And men wonder why we claim "mommybrain". All this back and forth is enough to make anyone nutty.

Such a fun and creative piece. Well done, my friend.

MamaTrack said...

I feel like this is my life. What an entertaining post. And I feel almost glamorous about all the titles I have. Thanks!

Amy said...

I love the Sippy Cup Mafia and the fact that your day sounds pretty much like mine!!! I go to do Thing 1 and it's 14 detours later when I realized I never did get to do Thing 1. Great writing, as always!

Jennifer said...

This was both funny and poignant having the lovely feeling of capturing moments that will soon fade as the "Sippy Cup Mafia" grows older.

MrsJenB said...

I think "She Who Uses Daddy Words" was my hands-down favorite - you definitely had me laughing out loud with that one!

HonestConvoGal said...

This is fantastic. My 3 boy household is so different and so exactly the same--especially the stank! I am jealous of the tu tu parties. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for the fun.

Jennie B said...

I'm constantly distracted like this. I call it multitasking :)

Cheryl said...

I'm impressed you could actually find the flashlight!

Brandon Duncan said...

You crack me up, woman. As scatterbrained as we all get (esp. when there are multiple little monkeys around) these times are still fun. I too suffer from the ADD that this piece describes. It's a small wonder we ever get anything actually done.

No concrit this time. Loved it, you! ;)

Blue Moon Girl said...

Nicely done! I only have one, but most days it feels like she is the "sippy cup mafia" all by herself! And nothing like a little baby stank to make you gag.

Loved this! So much! So true! Typical mom stuff told in such a fun way!

Here from TRDC! And Twitter (The_BMG)! And whereever else I stalk you... ;o)

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