I barely cracked my eyes opened this morning and knew something was different. I studied the ceiling fan twirling from behind the veil of my eyelashes and tried to pinpoint what the shift was. Ahhh...that's right; this is the new year so it's time to do things different; better.
If I bounce out of bed in a flurry of activity than perhaps it will signal that I am more eager to begin my day, but if I DO bounce out of bed then does that mean I have to be eager from this day forward in order to be a successful new me? What if I feel like lounging? Have I set myself up to fail?
Yet, if I just lounge in here in bed, does that mean that I am going to take a more laid back approach in the New Year? Again though, if I just lounge here in bed is that going to appear that I might be taking the more lazy route?
I really wanted pancakes and sausage this morning and knew the kids would love waking up to it. If I do make pancakes and sausage will they expect the new me to do this every morning? Would I be setting a breakfast short order cook precedent?
Although, if I forgo the cooking and serve them just cereal and yogurt am I saying that they aren't worthy of me getting up early to cook?
What if I wake them up and let them choose what they want for breakfast? Surely that would make them feel special and like their voice matters in the little choices of the day. If I give them that little voice though will that mean that everyday we will be battling over who wants what for breakfast, what they want to wear and what we do for an activity today? Will I be setting them up to be little dictators?
First thing I realized was that I put far more thought into this whole "new me" than I should have. Second thing I realized was that for every success that I can imagine; I also turn right around and see the negative in it. This in itself was a glorious self-examination and I would have pursued it as far as it could go towards enlightenment, but.....I fell back asleep.
When I woke up I shuffled into the kitchen, poured 4 bowls of cereal, a strong cup of coffee and kissed sleepy little faces. I liked who I was in 2010. There are areas I can improve on and I will. Just like I was a better me in 2010 than I was in 2009. Every year I practice being me a little more than the year before. Whether I leap from bed or cover my head, I intend to end this year with a laugh rather than a sigh. I will be the best me ever.