This was going to be an awesome picture until the Youngest Scribbler farted right on my foot. I lost the serious look and laughed. Strange thing...it's still an awesome picture because it is more me.
All the years I wasted trying to be that serious girl. The one with the right words. Totally wasted those years trying to squash who I was inside. I was so worried that my jokes wouldn't come out right. So worried that the dry wit would be seen as sarcasm. (For the record, sarcasm rocks in my book!)
I actually spent about 5 years in self-imposed laughter prison. Trying to learn to be more serious and thinking that was what it was going to take for me to ever be a success in life. I read books by deep thinkers who reeked of solemness. I was squashed.
Then came my Scribblers and I couldn't hold the laughter back anymore. It could have been to keep me from crying on days that someone cut all their hair off, stopped up the toilet with 8 bananas (who knew that wouldn't flush?) or swallowed a $50 bill (never got my change back on that one!) However it happened, the laughter came bubbling back and overflowed into just about every minute of every day.
If we have met online or in real life, I guarantee we have laughed together. I probably have poked fun at you in some way, but that's just because I want you to laugh at yourself and your life. I can be serious when the moment warrants it, but it never lasts for long. It's not a defense mechanism from being nervous, its just me. It's not that I don't see the seriousness of certain life changing situations, it just me. It's me living life unsquashed.
I did take another picture as well. One where I looked directly at the camera. I simply hate taking these pictures. I feel like the camera is dissecting my very soul. I feel like it reveals too much. I feel this way because when I am playing the part of the photographer, that's what I am doing. I am looking for that one moment that shows the real person inside my subject. That shy moment, that moment of explosive laughter or that mischievous smile. I frankly, don't like doing this with myself. Here is the picture though. It doesn't look like the me picture above. This "me" is squashed and she needs to laugh.