This is why we can't have nice things...

Between having kids, dogs and Murphy Law there is no way that we can ever have nice things.

These are not my kids. My kids would be dead or at least military school. This is from Google Images.

I have learned many lessons about this type of thing with my kids.

1. A toilet bowl will effectively flush up to 16 squares of double-ply before running over into the floor.
2. A plastic Wonder Pet is equal to 17 squares of double-ply.
3. A couch cushion will temporarily hide a nasty pull-up from a mother who thought potty training was almost over.
4. Sitting on couch cushion will squish the pull-up like a mustard packet.
5. A ziplock baggie full of plastic toys is a rare treasure that must be hidden from siblings
6. A 2 year old thinks that a cold oven is the best place to hide the treasure.
7. A mother must learn to check the oven for treasures before preheating to 450.
8. Plastic figurines will melt at 250 and will become dripping molten lava at 450.
9. If you choose to purchase a 25lb of flour and 25lb of sugar make sure they can be locked up and away from kids.
10. 50lbs of dry goods will fill up 3.5 vacuum bags.
11. Dawn dish washing liquid makes excellent bubbles for a bubble bath.
12. Small children understand the mechanics of turning a faucet on but not off.
13. An upstairs sink is the best place to try out "The Great Fountain and River of Bubbles 2010"
14. Peanut butter, honey and jelly should all have child proof tops like prescription drugs.
15. Spoons magically disappear from the drawer.
16. Dogs like the taste of plastic blocks, Little People and paper towels
17. A paper towel roll showed by a dog will actually spread evenly over 2500 square feet.
    

Why can't you have nice things??

Lessons Learned - The Grocery Store With Kids

1. When you have small children, you will put off going to the store as long as possible.
2. After trying to make a dinner out of a can of peaches, ranch dressing and 3 olives, it's time to go to the store.
3. Gummy fruit snacks and coffee are the most important items on the 4 foot long list.
4. You will go to the store that has the cool race car shopping carts, not the one with the best prices.
5. You take extra diapers and clothes along with your coupons.
6. Since you know your kids, you already have a pre-written apology letter to the manager of the store.
7. The first meltdown occurs right inside the door when the children discover that all the cool race car shopping carts are being used.
8. A trip to the free cookie counter will appease them for 20 minutes.
9. You spend more time trying to put back the things the kids throw in the cart, than actually shopping.
10. You will lose a child on Aisle 4, 7, 9 & 14
11. Someone will break something on Aisle 3
12. Meltdowns occur on the cookie, cereal and bakery aisle.
13. You wonder why your child feels the need to poke the fresh meat packages.
14. At the checkout line you are so busy explaining that the kids can't just eat the candy off the displays, that you forget your coupons.
15. Once home you realize that you forgot the fruit gummy snacks and coffee.
16. Somehow 3 boxes of cookies, a pack of frozen bagels, bottle of Fish Oil supplement and a bottle of Cinderella hand soap made it into your groceries.
17. You are so mentally wiped from shopping, you order a pizza.
    

Cake Zombies

My children are very much like the zombies portrayed in older movies; minus the gore of course. Not the new zombies that are fast, agile and cunning; but the ones that stumble around slowly, beat on doors/windows in slow motion, hold their arms out in front of them and moan about "brrraaaaiinnss" non-stop.

It seems that all day they follow me around chanting "juice, cookie, gummy, etc." like little zombies. Yesterday was MIL's birthday and I begged The Man to watch them so that I could run to the store alone to pick up the cake, but he could not do it for some reason. (Reason still unknown and unconfirmed) So I loaded up the zombies and headed to the store. As soon as they saw the white bakery box, the chanting started.

"caaaaakkkeeee caaaaakkkeee"

This continued for the next 2 hours until we made it to MIL's house and handed her the cake. At first, she did not want to cut the cake because she wasn't hungry and something about being almost 80 years old make you lose your childish joy of birthday cakes. Soon the chants became too loud and I cut the thing just to stop the noise.

Zombies appeased. For now.

In other news...

The days of Buzz swiping what she wants from Belly are over. I kept warning her that the day was coming that her little sister was going to start fighting back. Retribution Day is here. Belly has finally figured out that not only does she outweigh her big sister by a good 10 lbs, but that big sister is really a wus when it comes to confrontation. After much hair pulling, pummeling, screeching and some pinching, domianance is established. The "dominant one"? Me, with the sprayer from the sink; hosing them down like dogs. (Never get in the middle of a fight when biting is involved!) There is a new respect between sisters now and I doubt Buzz is going to tangle too much with her WWF little sister.

We have a busy weekend in front of us and Monday can't come soon enough.
Toodles for now.