Lesson Learned - Childhood

Kids have no empathy...

1. Infants don't understand beauty sleep and that every 2 hour wake-ups are effective for making mom haggard.
2. Toddlers don't understand that when mom is up with infant all night long, she must have 3 cups of coffee before being approached.
3. Kids who have to take oral antibiotics don't care that they make mom do a 100 yd sprint and wrestle an alligator just to spill the required dosage and start over.
4. Kids will slow poke everywhere except parking lots, crowded stores and across streets giving mom a heart attack.
5. Kids will especially pull the slow walk when mom has to go to the restroom is a public place and is across the store from the needed facilities.
6. Kids will not eat a meal that took 3 hours to prepare, but will demand a hot dog nuked in the microwave.
7. Kids don't care that you don't have a hot dog in the house.
8. Kids can scream for 5 hrs 27 min and 42 seconds about the no hot dog issue.
9. After a mad dash to the grocery store for hot dogs, kids will fall asleep on the car ride home and when woken declare that they aren't hungry.
10. Kids can not be force fed a hot dog.

What lessons have you learned about childhood?

If You Teach A Mom A Lesson - Launch!

*This page has been updated thanks to reader input!
Today is the launch of "If You Teach A Mom A Lesson" which is a new blog hop carnival for you to share your "Lessons". This is a spin-off of "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" in which each action spins into a lesson that you have learned. If you are familiar with my blog, you remember that I often do "Lessons Learned" and share the humorous lessons that I have learned about a particular subject.

Here are some examples:

Lessons for riding in a car:

• That decision to sit in between the children on a long car ride? STUPID.
• Children think that if you are sitting close then you are available for picking on.
• Somehow they forget you are the mother
• Ford Minivans' back bench seat will hold 2 car seats and a mother with a width of 18 inches.
• I am not 18 inches wide
• Carseats can dig into thighs and leave bruises after an extended amount of time
• Children who love seeing cows, love to imitate the sound of cows.
• Listening to cows for 45 minutes at top volume can drive anyone insane.

This is your chance to share your "If You Teach A Mom A Lesson" with everyone else.

**The Linky is not working "quite" right. It will show up when you enter your link, it just takes a little bit but your link has been saved.

Today's Lesson Topic:
Cooking with small children

*Next week's Lesson Topic:
Traveling with children

Enter your link below! I can't wait to see the lessons you have today!

This is a Blog Hop! 5 entries so far... you're next!

---

How are the Harmons? Is that like riding in cars with boys? Mamas Tips! Peanuts are Evil

Bellis Place You are next... Click here to enter What is a blog hop? Get the code here...

Get your own FREE Linky Tools

Your Lessons - Pt 2

Here are some more of the entries to my question about what lessons you have learned in parenting! These are all just hilarious and I want to thank each of you for submitting them! Due to an overwhelming response, I believe I will be making this type of format a weekly blog hop. Each week we will have a different type of "lesson" to share with each other.

I have been trying to come up with a clever name for it, but can't seem to find anything that "snaps" like I want it to. I would like to do these on Tuesdays.

Can any of you think of a catchy name that connects "lessons" and "Tuesdays"?

Do you have some lessons in basic parenting that you would like to contribute to this list? I will update it through today.

Alrighty...class is in order. Here are your lessons for today...

Monkey Mae's Lesson:

• I am a new mommy...Monkey Mae is only eight months old. But I have learned that no matter how fabulous a pair of chandelier earrings is, they are not worth the resulting flesh wound.

Kisma's Lessons:

• Having kids has taught me how to be patient.... and reminded me that I was a kid once too.
• when it comes to the phone, sex and movies...kids have STRONG RADARS!Interruptions will happen;-)

Lovingmylife's Lessons:

• That puke can fly up to 15mph and travel up to 10 feet before landing on your last remaining pair of clean jeans.
• That wearing boogers on your shirt is actually an accessory to most outfits.
• Children have sonar ears and will hear you opening the last candy even when they are supposed to be taking a nap!

Bree's Lessons:

• -make a birthday list for relatives or you are sure to get gifts that come with a zillion pieces and are not age appropriate.
• -try really hard to get those kids to go potty before leaving the house...juggling 1 child in my arm & trying to get potty child to not touch the seat is darn near amazing (and so hard on my body)
• -minimize purse contents because they are doomed to be emptied at the most awkward time.
• -don't even bother wearing white anymore- - -
• thanks for this. I love seeing the humor in child raising. having children made me discover my heart, I wouldn't change a thin- except maybe a little more sleep :)

Trooppetrie's Lessons:

• to carry baby wipes even if your kids have been potty trained for years.
• not to talk about anyone in front of your kids unless you are willing for them to repeat it to them

Learning And Living By Faith's Lessons:

• I have learned to not say "I will never.......my kids." Cause then 3, 4, or more years later I will.
• I have learned, just because I think I will remember which baby was which in 10 years...it's much safer to label the picture anyway.
• I have learned that small toys, ie. legos, small hot wheel cars, lincoln logs can cause injuries to the feet that last for weeks.
• I have learned that when my 12 year old wants to sit on my lap, to let him. When he is 14 he won't want to so much.
• I have learned that letting her wear her Sunday school dresses to play princess in is worth the extra laundry, in smiles.

A Lil Story's Lessons:

• The minute you get on the phone, your house will become a war zone: couch cushions flying, dishes breaking, juice spilled on the floor, bleeding wounds, and all of them screaming louder than should be humanly possible.
• Just wait until they're in bed to make your phone calls. =)

Featuring Your Lessons

Thursday I asked for all of you to share some of the mind shattering wisdom that you have learned since you have had kids. The purpose of this was to be able to educate other mothers on the more delicate matters of parenting. There were so many entries, I am splitting it into many posts. If you have any lessons you want to add...leave them in the comments and I will include yours and link you up!

Here are some of the lessons that you have learned:

Erin's Lessons:

• No matter how new your portable DVD player, it will break within the first thirty minutes of a twelve hour car drive.
• You may think that you have your children engaged in a movie long enough for your husband and you to sneak in a quickie but they have a radar for things like that and within thirty seconds will be screaming outside your bedroom door wanting to know what you are doing.
• When it's quiet in the house you are in big trouble. There is something naughty happening behind one of those closed doors.

Become What You Are's Lessons:

• I have learned (after a grand total of 12 years of breastfeeding) that you do not need to worry when answering the door for the UPS guy in the middle of a feed that he'll see anything. You may, in fact, be exposed, but those guys just don't think to look for breasts down that low!
• I have learned that two "tweenage" boys are too big to do the Super Mario wall jump on a glass paneled door.
• I have learned that dryer lint and dryer sheets go up in flames VERY quickly.
• I have learned that unfrozen popsicle pouches are the preferred food of adventurers "stuck" on Mt Everest and it can sustain them for hours.
• I have learned that if you "rescue" a sick pigeon by bringing it into your room, it WILL freak out and it WILL poop all over your brother's bed.
• I have learned that the second drawer in your dresser is a good alternative to the laundry bin for a wet/poopy diaper when you don't want to go from the third floor to the basement.
• I have learned that a bag of dog poop in a paper bag will burn like the dickens when lit on your neighbor's porch.
• And I have learned that I would take those days back in half a heartbeat and do it all over again!

Bethany's Lessons:

• As a mom I've learned that a computer screen image can be turned sideways and the only one who knows how to fix it is the two-year-old who put it that way to begin with.
• I've learned that daily showers are a luxury.
• I've learned that your own kids' poop doesn't smell as bad as other kids' poop.
• I've learned that just because it doesn't smell as bad doesn't mean it smells good.
• I've learned that blood can come from all kinds of weird places - like tear ducts.
• And I've learned that if your 8 y.o. eats nothing but Fruity Pebbles for breakfast, lunch and dinner, he will have rainbow colored surprises in the toilet the next day.
• And that he will think it's blood. And that he is going to die.

Brandie's Lessons:

• With the 1st child, you freak if the paci hits the ground and you MUST wash it (even if the baby is screaming his head off). With the 2nd, you realize the 5 second rule SO applies and a visual once-over and blowing off obvious dirt is totally acceptable. By the 3rd, you come to your senses and... what's that saying??? God made dirt... and you just stick it right back in their mouth. ;)

Lolidots's Lessons:

• Let's not forget that when hubby tags along for the trip, we are adding another child. One that will sword fight with the pool noodles, push all the buttons on the talking toys, try on all the goofy hats, let the kids do whatever they want and make the trip twice as long and twice as expensive. ;-)

Cascia's Lessons:

• As a mother of four children I have learned so much so it is hard to share just one tip..hmm let me think, the best one that I can think of is this, You can not put your penny back in your piggy bank once swallowed. Oh and here are a couple more things I have learned.
• Babies laugh if they are pulled across the carpet.
• Toothpaste can be used as finger paint and the bathroom mirror makes a wonderful canvas!

Do you have any "lessons learned" you want to share?

Your Lessons

Yesterday's post about "Lessons learned with kids and grocery shopping" was pretty funny, but YOUR comments took it to a whole new level of funny! First, thanks to all of you who participated and shared your own lessons. Secondly, I am opening up today's post to your "Lessons" that you have learned since you have had kids.

If you are unsure what I am talking about, check out these posts:

• Lessons Learned
  
• Lessons Learned
• Lessons Learned

Alrighty, here's the deal. Leave me a comment with "Lessons You Have Learned Since You Have Had Kids". Saturday I will make a post compiling all of the comments with a link back to you. I have no doubt that it will be a heck of a post...I have got some readers with a serious funny bone!!

Finally...I am doing a phone interview with Lucille O'Neal (Shaq's Mom) a little later today. I will have a audio copy of that interview that I will post on my blog as soon as it is available. We will be discussing her new book "Walk Like You Have Somewhere To Go" I have 5 copies of her book that I want to give to YOU. Shoot me an email and I will send out a copy to the first 5 people.

So...What are some lessons that you have learned since you have had kids....

Lessons Learned - The Grocery Store With Kids

1. When you have small children, you will put off going to the store as long as possible.
2. After trying to make a dinner out of a can of peaches, ranch dressing and 3 olives, it's time to go to the store.
3. Gummy fruit snacks and coffee are the most important items on the 4 foot long list.
4. You will go to the store that has the cool race car shopping carts, not the one with the best prices.
5. You take extra diapers and clothes along with your coupons.
6. Since you know your kids, you already have a pre-written apology letter to the manager of the store.
7. The first meltdown occurs right inside the door when the children discover that all the cool race car shopping carts are being used.
8. A trip to the free cookie counter will appease them for 20 minutes.
9. You spend more time trying to put back the things the kids throw in the cart, than actually shopping.
10. You will lose a child on Aisle 4, 7, 9 & 14
11. Someone will break something on Aisle 3
12. Meltdowns occur on the cookie, cereal and bakery aisle.
13. You wonder why your child feels the need to poke the fresh meat packages.
14. At the checkout line you are so busy explaining that the kids can't just eat the candy off the displays, that you forget your coupons.
15. Once home you realize that you forgot the fruit gummy snacks and coffee.
16. Somehow 3 boxes of cookies, a pack of frozen bagels, bottle of Fish Oil supplement and a bottle of Cinderella hand soap made it into your groceries.
17. You are so mentally wiped from shopping, you order a pizza.
    

Powerless - Lessons Learned

Due to the recent storms, we went without power for a while. Here are some lessons I learned.

1. Most important lesson, your brain will not register the fact that you are out of power.
   
2. Whenever you enter a room you will flip the light switch and then have a small moment of surprise when it doesn't work.
3. No matter how many times you chastise yourself for trying the switch, you will still do it out of habit.
4. If you have a radio that uses batteries, they will be dead.
5. If it requires 3 "D" batteries, you will only have 2 "D" batteries and a collection of different "AA" batteries.
6. When you find your flashlight, it will be dead.
7. It requires 4 "AA" batteries and now you can't find where you put them because it is dark and you need a flashlight.
8. When dinner time rolls you decide that since you can't use the oven, you will just microwave something.
9. Duh...microwave uses what? Electricity.
10. Electricity will inevitably go out when you have at least $400 worth of food in the freezer.
11. You can use a grill to cook some of this food, if someone remembered to get propane that last time she grilled (not saying names or anything)
12. If you are lucky, you have a generator.
13. You probably nagged for months at the money that was spent on this piece of man equipment.
14. You now get a lot of smug looks and "I told you so"
15. The generator can only run a few things at a time. Choose wisely.
16. Running the TV, DVD player and a fan is the wisest choice when you have children.
17. Items in the fridge can always be replaced.
18. Sanity in a parent...can not.