Wednesday, August 11, 2010

This is why we can't have nice things...

Between having kids, dogs and Murphy Law there is no way that we can ever have nice things.


These are not my kids. My kids would be dead or at least military school. This is from Google Images.

I have learned many lessons about this type of thing with my kids.
  1. A toilet bowl will effectively flush up to 16 squares of double-ply before running over into the floor.
  2. A plastic Wonder Pet is equal to 17 squares of double-ply.
  3. A couch cushion will temporarily hide a nasty pull-up from a mother who thought potty training was almost over.
  4. Sitting on couch cushion will squish the pull-up like a mustard packet.
  5. A ziplock baggie full of plastic toys is a rare treasure that must be hidden from siblings
  6. A 2 year old thinks that a cold oven is the best place to hide the treasure.
  7. A mother must learn to check the oven for treasures before preheating to 450.
  8. Plastic figurines will melt at 250 and will become dripping molten lava at 450.
  9. If you choose to purchase a 25lb of flour and 25lb of sugar make sure they can be locked up and away from kids.
  10. 50lbs of dry goods will fill up 3.5 vacuum bags.
  11. Dawn dish washing liquid makes excellent bubbles for a bubble bath.
  12. Small children understand the mechanics of turning a faucet on but not off.
  13. An upstairs sink is the best place to try out "The Great Fountain and River of Bubbles 2010"
  14. Peanut butter, honey and jelly should all have child proof tops like prescription drugs.
  15. Spoons magically disappear from the drawer.
  16. Dogs like the taste of plastic blocks, Little People and paper towels
  17. A paper towel roll showed by a dog will actually spread evenly over 2500 square feet.
Why can't you have nice things??

17 comments:

Southern Reflections said...

Ahhh...The things we learn from our kids!! ;o) And sometimes the REALLY hard way!! I am glad those are not your kids; I can only imagine the horror of walking into that room!! Finding Vaseline all over our daughter's walls was bad enough; much has changed since then!! ;o)

Bethany @ Organic Enchilada said...

I don't know if your list or that picture horrifies me more!

My two yo once drew all over my brand new computer monitor (big, nice one) with a permanent marker. I almost killed him.

But it was all better after I found that you can draw over it with a dry-erase marker and then it all wipes off. Whew!

K Pugliano said...

I have to admit that I laughed out loud at this photo...the one little boy looks so proud of his painting! You have to laugh, because if not, you would certainly cry!

Great list...I could add one from my little kiddie's days...

Imagine two toddlers that have locked themselves in a bathroom with a frantic mom on the other side pleading for them to keep talking to her while she shimmy's the door completely off the hinges. When in the bathroom mom is met by her three year old daughter who proudly displays her two year old brother who she has painted from head to toe with mommy's waterproof mascara wand.
Good times.

Mrs.Mayhem said...

Love your list! Too funny.

Unfortunately, my kids have done much of the same. The four of them tear through my house, wreaking and breaking faster than I can clean up and fix. It's a losing battle.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Glad those are not your kids. I totally relate to that list.

Anne said...

That is Hillarious. I loved the pictures and your bullet points. I can so relate. I went to the grocery store one night and left bags out because I was going to make cookies the next day for a party and my 3 girls got into the flour, sugar, food coloring and added water to all of it. I found them in their play room and they told me they were making "Pancakes"
Thanks for the post, I had a good laugh.

Anne @ http://lessonsthrulife.com

Kristen said...

Little People are also effectively 17 squares of double ply toilet paper :o)

Allison @ Alli 'n Son said...

The dogs, they are the reason. They eat pulls-up. Clean or dirty. And smear it all over. I'll let you guess which ones.

The kiddo on the other hand, hasn't learned to be destructive. Yet.

Erin said...

I bought 3 new locking doorknobs last week because we can't have nice things. Paint, sharpies, crayons, any type of felt pen, glue and beads have all been officially banned from our home.

Sarafree said...

Omg! This make me feel so much better about the stuff my kids do in comparison. I generally feel like I can't own nice clothes because someone is always pawing at me with sticky hands or some sort of mysterious gunk inevitably ends up on my nice clothes. So I try to wear things I'm okay with getting destroyed.

Katie @ The Kouture Mommy said...

Boy did I need that! You just made me laugh, thank you. I'll have to keep these in mind once my son graduates from playing in the "fountain" aka dog bowl.

Mama M. said...

*Giggle*

For a nano second, I saw that photo and gasped! Thinking they were yours!

Fabulous post, as always, my friend!

Jackie said...

This is incredibly funny... but oh so true!

I can't imagine what the parent of those kids in the pic thought and did!!!

Second Chance Moon said...

I've seen that picture before. Horrifying! Vaseline shouold also be capped as though it were a prescription! Love this post! :)

Janie B said...

Very funny (since those are not my kids). Love the list, too. I can see my 2-year-old grandson getting involved in all those things.

Rebecca D said...

Your list made me laugh so hard I had to stop reading twice... My eyes are still watering... Sorry you had to live this list, but thank you for sharing it with us!

MX3 said...

Oh the joys of children! Just last month my kids shredded my down comforter and threw fluff all over the living room. I took pictures, but I haven't been able to look at them since without crying, lol.

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