Lessons Learned Today

1. Do not assume that the spice with the red lid is garlic.
2. Lemon Pepper "garlic" bread tastes like crap with lasagna.
3. Lemon Pepper bread makes dog puke.
4. Just because no child has turned over a gallon of paint on the carpet for the past 12 days, does not mean it won't ever happen.
5. Cleaning up dog puke, paint and child poop on the carpet will take a full bottle of Resolve and a breathing mask for pregnant mom.
6. Just because potty training child dropped a 10lb stink pickle in the toilet, do not put on cotton panties within 5 minutes after the deed.
7. The average stink pickle must be 15lbs.
8. If you leave clothes in the washer for more than 24 hours, they will mildew.
9. Prayer does not stop mildew.
10. 15 dryer sheets will not remove mildew smell.
11. Husband will notice mildew smell when he puts on his uniform, regardless of 15 dryer sheets and half a spray bottle of Febreeze.
12. Wet paint on the door attracts dog tail hair, children's hands and a husband's butt already in his uniform.
13. Painting doors with anyone breathing in the house is futile at best.
14. Painting a perfectly good antique white door with ultra white is just stupid.
15. Painting anything is stupid.
16. Keeping only one uniform clean for husband is begging for someone to stick their butt in your fresh paint.
17. After 10 years of marriage, husband knows that an eye twitch and a snicker means you are not telling him something.
18. Small children will be honest and loudly proclaim that "Daddy has a white butt"
19. Husband will want to change his uniform 45 seconds before having to leave to go to work.
20. See #16.
21. Trading uniform with mildew smell and paint on the butt for the uniform worn yesterday that reeks of man sweat will require the other half of the Febreeze bottle used in Lesson #11.
22. Men who wear a man sweat soaked uniform do not speak politely to their wives.
23. Tylenol is not enough at the end of the day sometimes.
24. Tylenol PM (with its active sleep inducing ingredient) will solve the rest of these problems.