I don't usually use my blog as a personal airing of dirty laundry (unless I am talking about my husband's underpants that just get thrown away instead of laundered) but I am going to dedicate this post to the raging pregnancy hormones and air some laundry.
I have/had/whatever this friend. This friend always needs advice and is always in a crisis. I have tried to always answer questions, dispense advice, encourage and even financially help this friend in whatever way that I could; even when it put my family in a hardship to do so.
The advice I gave (although she actively was seeking it) was never heeded and the problems that she faced in the past are going to continue to pop up again and again (yet, she can't figure out why)
“All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.”
Then came the part that really chapped my saddlebags. I gave financial assistance. The agreement was that the money would be paid back using a certain plan. It was agreed upon by all parties. Then came the excuses.
You know it was not the money that bothered me (although we were in a tight spot and it wasn't in our best interest to loan that much) What bothered me was feeling used. Just because we are friends, does not give a person the right to back out of their obligations. If you promised to do a certain thing, do it. Period. Otherwise you come across as a liar. Period. If you can't fulfill that obligation, show me you care enough to provide me with a clear cut plan of what you can do. I can respect that. Situations change, life changes and sometimes we can't do what we thought we could. But we can at least do SOMETHING. We can have enough respect for the other person to prove that we are not liars and that the relationship is valued enough to work together for a solution.
Another wrong thing to do is to attack, belittle, make fun of or generally complain about someone's spouse. Sure, maybe we have had some hard times together and I need to vent, but I can do that because he is my spouse. In this situation, my husband (being the finance guy in the household) was attempting to work with this friend and find out what else could be done to fulfill the financial obligation. He started out lighthearted and joking (sometimes that doesn't always come across right when dealing with him) but the WRONG thing to do is to come to me and basically call him a jerk. This "JERK" is the one who opened up his wallet and provided you with the money. This "JERK" is the one that helped me go through our pantry and provide you with food to help you and your children. This "JERK" is the one who initially came up with the idea of employing you in "HIS" business and paying you way more than what we normally would pay an employee. So he may be brash sometimes, but that "JERK" is the one that pulled you out of your hole (against his better judgment)That "JERK" is also my best friend, spouse, lover, father of my children and the best man I have ever knows. I will NEVER pick sides against that "JERK" although I can mediate if you feel that he is being too "matter of fact" with you and hurting your delicate feelings. Don't ever try to start a battle between us because it won't succeed.
Also (in closing) that stunt of "de-friending" me of FaceBook and blocking your Twitters...yeah, that's gonna leave a scar.
To my loyal readers...
Thank you for bearing with me through this rant even if it didn't apply to you. Not my usual lighthearted junk but I had to get that load of laundry out before it began to mildew.
I feel much better now.