Surely Not Me, Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

• I always believe in making a child's memories fun and lasting. I always document these events. Since I am this way, I did NOT wait until the last minute to pick up a cake for my 2 year olds birthday. I did NOT forget to charge the batteries in my camera and I did NOT have to run back to the store to get candles that I never would forget. I also was so intent on making her birthday special, that I did NOT forget to even sing Happy Birthday while serving the cake.
• I always admit to a mistake and learn from it. Therefore, I did NOT purchase the wrong paint for interior doors and put up to 6 coats on it convinced that it would just "get better" with each passing coat.
• My family has strong moral values and does not believe in cursing. So it was NOT me that videotaped my husband pulling up baseboards, cussing with every other swing of the hammer and my two precious angels copying his every move and EVERY word. I would not videotape such vulgarity and I would not laugh hysterically while doing it.
• I am the picture of health and am very agile. So it couldn't have been me that got my 30 week pregnant butt stuck between the toilet and the bathtub when helping my husband lay floor tile. Since I never got stuck, it was not me that laughed so hard I peed all over the tile that he had just lain and caused him to have to pull it up, clean the floor and re-do the tile.
• I did NOT allow my 2 year old to go to bed with a chicken Lean Pocket in one hand and bubble wrap in the other hand with the intention of retrieving it after she fell asleep, rather than fight her. I would NOT forget to get these items out of her room because one would possibly suffocate her and the other would spoil and give her food poisoning. So, it wasn't me that watched her the whole next day for symptoms of Salmonella.