Thursday, January 14, 2010

Who Are You And What Did You Say?

1,000,000 Baby Names
Best Baby Names
Naming Your Baby
Names That Sound Good When You Scream Them
Names That Won't Get Your Baby Beat Up On The Playground

Baby name books and websites. The all-consuming task of naming your little bundle. You spend millions of hours trying to find that perfect one. You ask all your family and friends. You agonize over the spelling. You even wonder how that would look monogrammed on tea towels. Then you have a toddler and possibly some more Scribblers running around and...

well...

What was their name again?

You are minding your own business, doing whatever 15 tasks at one time that a mother is required to be able to do. Stirring the food in the pot, pulling something out of the fridge with the other hand, doing the math on the coupons in your head, rocking the bouncy seat with one foot, pulling clothes out of the dryer with the other foot, licking a postage stamp and the using your left over spit to try to clean the toothpaste off your shirt...and you hear a crash, scream, tears, more crashing and the running of little feet.

Be...Bu...Bi...Sa...Da...(incoherently you scream out the first part of everyone's name not knowing exactly what their names are anyways) WHOEVER YOU ARE...COME HERE!

The Scribblers line up in front of me. The tears are spilling and the words are jumbled as each tries to spit out the story of what happened. A broken picture frame is produced from behind the back of one of them.

Seeing how all of your appendages are busy doing other tasks, a verbal lashing will just have to suffice for now.

Here's where the real speech problem comes in. You are so mad, not only can you not figure out what their names are (although you have a good idea thanks to the monogrammed shirts they have on) you try to convey your frustration, censor yourself, get out 15 directions at once and still let them know they are loved.

You'd better....why did you...you know...I am about to...what were you...you know not to....geepers, I just love...can't you see I'm...MAN!

How our children will ever learn to talk in complete sentences, I will never know.

The Scribblers look at me in utter confusion. They look at each other. They nod knowingly at the unspoken message between each other as the assess the "Mother Situation"

"When Momma gets a speech impediment it means real trouble. Say "I love you, Mommy" and slowly back away..."

I am still trying to stutter out the verbal discipline when I notice there are no Scribblers around. I turn back to the now boiling over pot of food, the crying baby, the stamp that won't stick and the toothpaste stain that is now been smeared to a 2 foot size resembling a Miss America sash across my shirt and say what I wanted to say all along.

AAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

17 comments:

Amy O'Connor said...

Ain't that the truth!

I was told when pregnant with my third that it would be much more difficult than just the two. A slight understatement, but so worth the frustration and hard work!

Cop Mama said...

Been there, done that!!! You're not alone. At least you get to blog about it, right?

BTW, I only have two and I can't get their names right either :-)

becomewhatyouare said...

We call it the "Litany of the Names."

and it always ends with

"YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!"

Sadly, though, the dog and cats' names make there way into the litany... *sigh*

becomewhatyouare said...

i can spell and do know grammar.

just thought i'd mention it.

MannMom3 said...

Yeah..naming my kiddos all E names then having an Ethan and a Edyn..I pretty much never get their names right..I even call them the dogs' name or I call the dog their names..

I always get tongue tied when trying to disipline them..and by the time I'm done figuring out what I'm trying to say..I've forgotten why I was mad in the first place..

ex tx n tn said...

hahaha...been one of those days already? Let me know when you can and if, drop off the kids on Sat! Lauryn is dying ovah here because she can't wait to get her hands on Bitsy... and Braden got new darts for his guns so I am sure Bugs and Belly will be in heaven...If you come over and I have darts stuck permanently to my head you know it was a good time! =) Lovin your posts as always!

Noelle said...

wow...i have so been there! almost daily, in fact. i love your writing!

Kimberly said...

I don't have many memories of my dad (he died when I was just 15), but one vivid one is him trying to yell at one of my brothers. Da[ve] ... To[m] ... PAUL! I remember thinking how silly that was that he couldn't get their names right.

I should have known it would catch up with me also some day. My 17YO nephew, Kyle, laughs hysterically at me when I call himby the wrong name when he's here. "Ni[ck], Ale[x], oh, you know who you are!" I've been known to resort to calling, "Hey, You!" and seeing who replies. :)

Working Mommy said...

That one little grunt is a mouth full!!

~WM

The Unkept Cook said...

I only have one child. . . and call him by the dog's name half the time. I feel your pain.

How's the Miss America sash? Got the wave down? thanks for the laugh this morning?

Chris said...

That 3rd child in the household makes a huge difference, huh?

Mama M. said...

Just you wait until you add in a coupla more kiddos...it's terrible. I've resorted to "Hey YOU! Yeah...YOU! You know I'm talkin' to YOU!"

Geepers Lou...I feel your pain.

Brianne said...

You know when hubbys mom use to mess up her kids names I was like wow I will never be like that. Umm yea I am! Seriously, as soon as Chase was rolling around and sitting up, I have been confusing them. Madison thinks it hilarious! Worse my mom sometimes calls my kids her dogs name!

Ottavia said...

My Mom does that all the time and I thought it was an old-age issue. But now I do it too, and I'm only 39!

Nice writing by the way! =)

learningandlivingbyfaith said...

I never get the right name first! Usually, I'm like Knitter and go through the whole group, and end up with "You know who you are!". The kids think it's hilarious!

I've wondered often if I have early onset Alzheimers. But I've come to the conclusion it's Mommy brain!

AmmieJo

JMay said...

haha, this post made me laugh. I don't have any kids & I forget everything ;-)

Cute blog, glad I stumbled upon it!

~Shelley~ said...

Following from MBC! I'd love for you to stop by and visit me!

~Shelley

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